IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#parents #childcare #centres #services #children #age #members #grandparents #carers #kids
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Now a days
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Nowadays
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, both genders work full-time, which raises the question of who would look after their
children
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while
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 they are working. Some working
parents
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 prefer to leave their
children
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 with their
grandparents
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instead
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 of leaving them with an unknown person for the safety of their
children
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while
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 others choose
childcare
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 centers for their
children
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’s learning. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will discuss both sides and provide my perspective.
Parents
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 working in full-time employment prefer to leave their
children
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 with their
grandparents
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 for the safety of their
children
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, they won’t feel comfortable leaving their
child
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 with a stranger because he/she may harm their
child
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.
In addition
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,
parents
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 do not have to worry about their
children
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 when they leave their
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child
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children
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 with grandpa or grandma because they are more experienced in raising
children
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.
In a
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A
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 recent survey, conducted by people living overseas shares that 70% of the
parents
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 working in full-time employment would bring their
parents
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 to countries
such
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 as Australia, UK, and Canada to look after the grandchildren.
Thus
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,
children
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 feel safer and more engaged in activities around
the
Correct article usage
apply
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close family members.
On the other hand
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, leaving
children
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 in
childcare
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centers
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centres
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 has some benefits. A
child
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 will learn some new skills
such
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 as interaction with different
children
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 and develop cognitive skills.
However
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, they may feel upset when left with strangers, some
children
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 find difficulty in adapting to
this
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 new environment
while
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 others may find it difficult to interact with an unknown person. If they are left with their
grandparents
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, they get immense love from them and they would not hesitate to talk with them and share what they feel about things.
As a result
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,
childcare
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 services always have vacant spots for the
child
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’s enrollment. In conclusion,
childcare
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centers
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centres
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 do help in the development of a
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child
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child's
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 learning,
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however
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however,
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children
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 feel safer and
comfortable
Correct quantifier usage
more comfortable
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 around their 
grandparents
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.
Submitted by surangaprasad90 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, try to provide more specific examples that support your main points. Examples can make your arguments more persuasive and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with repetition in ideas. Ensure each paragraph presents a distinct point or argument rather than repeating or slightly altering what has been said before.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction sets up the structure of your essay clearly, and your conclusion restates your main arguments while also offering a final thought or opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
task achievement
You addressed both perspectives effectively, showing an understanding of the complexity in the issue.
task achievement
The vocabulary is appropriate, and the essay is expressed clearly, which helps in understanding your viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured educational environment
  • early childhood education
  • stimulating activities
  • cognitive and social development
  • peer interaction
  • social skills
  • fostering independence
  • personalized and emotionally supportive environment
  • sense of security
  • emotional well-being
  • wealth of life experience
  • cultural values and traditions
  • enriching upbringing
  • familiar environment
  • structured activities
  • social interaction
  • hybrid approach
  • well-rounded experience
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