IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts show education data related to young adults aged 15 years old in 10 different countries in 2015. The first chart shows in which countries adolescents do the most homework in terms of the hours per week. The second chart shows the nations that scored the best on an international science test. Summarise the data by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts show education data related to young adults aged 15 years old in 10 different countries in 2015. The first chart shows in which countries adolescents do the most homework in terms of the hours per week. The second chart shows the nations that scored the best on an international science test. Summarise the data by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #show #education #data #adults #years #countries #first #adolescents #homework #terms #hours #week #second #nations #science #test #summarise #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graphs provide information about how much time
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
adolescents spend
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their homework and top science
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 based on science
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
 across various countries in 2015.
Overall
, it is evident that young adults in Italy and Ireland devoted
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
show examples
 amount of time,
whereas
this
 for
Finland
, and South Korea was lower.
Furthermore
, the highest score
obtained
Add a missing verb
was obtained
show examples
 in
Finland
 though less ones
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 in
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the US. Looking in more detail, Italian youngsters spent
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
8.6
hours
 per week in order to do homework which was
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
dominant in these statistics.
In addition
, the second significant pattern was seen in Ireland, which was at about 7.2
hours
.
Moreover
, in other countries,
such
 as Poland, the US, Canada , Mexico, and Japan,
this
 data ranged from 6.5
hours
 to 4
hours
 per week. When it comes to lower figures, young adults in South Korea and
Finland
 spent
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
2.9 and 2.8
hours
 per week in order to accomplish their homework, respectively. Regarding science test
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
,
Finland
 was the dominant at 568, followed by Hong Kong(543).
Additionally
, these figures for other regions accounted for around 531. In terms of the bottom, it comprised
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
518,
516
Correct word choice
and 516
show examples
 respectively in
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 and the US.
Submitted by ilkin.abdullaev04 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words finland, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: