The pie charts on the left illustrate the proportion of three electricity-generating sources in the German and French markets in 2009 while the charts on the right further detail the composition of the segment of renewable energy in that same year.

The pie charts on the left illustrate the proportion of three electricity-generating sources in the German and French markets in 2009 while the charts on the right further detail the composition of the segment of renewable energy in that same year.
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the
two
pie charts on the left illustrate the amount of percentage of three different
electricity
production sources in
Germany
and
France
,
whereas
the
two
pie charts on the right depict the three main compositions of renewable
energy
biomass, hydroelectric, and wind in 2009.
Overall
, the most common
energy
generation in
Germany
was conventional thermal
while
nuclear power accounted for the vast majority of electric production in
France
. In terms of renewable
energy
, biomass, and wind were the
two
primary compositions in
Germany
,
whereas
in
France
Hydroelectric was the main
energy
. It can be seen that, in 2009,
Germany
and
France
generated relatively close with 560 billion KWH and 510 billion KWH, in which conventional thermal production in
Germany
made up the highest proportion at 59.6%,
while
this
figure for
France
just around a tenth.
By contrast
, most of the
electricity
in
France
was produced from nuclear power with three-fourths.
Whereas
renewable
electricity
in both countries took up the lowest portion with 17.4 and 13.7, respectively. Regarding natural
energy
, the
two
countries had a significant difference. In
Germany
,
electricity
generated from Biomass and Wind made up a large portion at 39.3 and 36.9, respectively.
In contrast
, both of them just made under a tenth percentage out of total renewable
energy
. In
France
, natural resources were produced mostly from Hydroelectricity with 80,5 by far higher than any others.
Finally
, solar geothermal had a negligible percentage in both countries.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words two, electricity, germany, france, energy with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • electricity-generating sources
  • markets
  • renewable energy
  • composition
  • nuclear energy
  • fossil fuels
  • generate electricity
  • comprise
  • contrast
  • double
  • compare
  • utilize
  • segment
  • dependency
  • significant differences
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