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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #households #kinds #technology #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the proportion of families with many kids of technology
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
namely : washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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,
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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, internet and DVD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
 between 1995 and 1999.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 all types of technology
growth
Replace the word
grew
show examples
 in
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
tread
Correct your spelling
trend
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, but the most popular was
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
 machine
while
, the least common was
DVD
Correct article usage
the DVD
show examples
 player.
According to
 the line graph, in 1995
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 were 10% and under just 20% respectively,
However
Add the comma(s)
However,
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 phone had repaid remarkably until
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.
while
 internet is increasing to reach 30 % in 1998 .
Then
 it a sharp
rose
Replace the word
rise
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 in 1999. In early 1995 DVDplayer was below 30 per cent . After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it decreased to
made
Change the form of the verb
make
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 up around 15 per cent . In 1996
DVD
Correct article usage
the DVD
show examples
 player was a rise
graduallly
Correct your spelling
gradually
 to reach 40 % in 1999. 
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast the
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and washing by 1995
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were 40 % and 60 % respectively ,
also
 they
growth
Replace the word
grew
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 dramatically
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 .
Submitted by sialamer on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Households
  • Technology adoption
  • Growth rate
  • Decline rate
  • Milestones
  • Obsolete
  • Societal factors
  • Economic conditions
  • Advancements
  • Consumer preferences
  • Market saturation
  • Trend analysis
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