All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this ? What are the effect ?

#world #people #effect

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All around the world, more and more

people

Use synonyms

are

obesity

Replace the word

obese

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and

this

Linking Words

number

is rapidly increase

Change the verb form

is rapidly increasing

show examples

People

Use synonyms

Verb problem

are

show examples

not aware of their own health and obesity can lead to many problems. I think

Remove the comma

apply

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the most significant reason why

people

Use synonyms

are

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

is they do not control what they consume. Obviously, the effect of

this

Linking Words

is dangerous, even they will get heart disease.

Firstly

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

consume everything without considering whether is

health

Replace the word

healthy

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or not.

People

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eat every day, there are a lot of foods that contain

overcalories

Correct your spelling

over calories

and fats which

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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not good for their health.

Overcalories

Correct your spelling

Over calories

and fats will make

people

Use synonyms

overweight in a short time.

For example

Linking Words

, one of my

friend

Change to a plural noun

friends

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has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

weight around 80 kilograms and the doctor said she is overweight because she

ate

Wrong verb form

eats

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junk food every single day which in it there are many calories and fats.

Moreover

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, overweight

people

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can get heart disease. Especially, if they

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

never exercise regularly and control what they eat. They have been overweight, but they

are continuously eat

Change the verb form

are continuously eating

show examples

unhealthy foods that will bring heart disease come to them.

For instance

Linking Words

, my friend's grandfather

was died

Change to the active voice

died

has died

show examples

because he

was

Verb problem

apply

show examples

never

manage

Wrong verb form

managed

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what he

can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

or not

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

consume because he

has

Wrong verb form

had

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been overweight for several years.

To conclude

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, the number of

people

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who are obese is growing. The main cause of

this

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

do not manage what they eat.

As a result

Linking Words

, the possibility to get cardiac arrest will be higher. So,

people

Use synonyms

must

aware

Add a missing verb

be aware

show examples

of what they consume to manage their body weight.

Submitted by wishmeluck on Tue Dec 03 2024

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task achievement

Expand the essay to include additional causes and effects of obesity to provide a more comprehensive response to the task.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the logical flow by using more transition words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The essay starts with a clear introduction and ends with a concise conclusion, addressing the main topic appropriately.

task achievement

The points made are generally relevant to the task, with real-life examples that align with the discussed issues.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Overweight
Obesity
Sedentary lifestyle
Nutritional education
Aggressive marketing
Screen time
Economic factors
Genetic predisposition
Chronic illnesses
Heart disease
Diabetes
Hypertension
Psychological issues
Low self-esteem
Healthcare systems
Productivity
Stigmatization
Discrimination
Portion sizes
Convenience food

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