IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #choices
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Certain individuals claim that we have too many
options
 these days. Afterwards, I concur with
this
 assertion, attributing it to the advancement of technology and the increased income of individuals, as elucidated in the subsequent essay.
Firstly
, modern technologies enable
people
 to have more
options
 than in the past.
Therefore
, what was previously unattainable is now achievable.
Consequently
,
people
 now have the ability to purchase items that were previously unattainable. It's common knowledge that the development of technologies enables
people
 to utilize previously non-existent devices, thereby expanding their
options
.
For instance
, mobile devices were non-existent before the development of technology, but now they are available for purchase. Another example is the recent development of the Internet.
People
 use the Internet to realize they have more
options
.
Secondly
, as
people
 earn more money, their purchasing power increases.
Consequently
, some governments now provide free accommodation and basic food to those in need.
Therefore
, individuals, including the impoverished, now have a wider range of choices than in the past.
Moreover
, women have more freedom, and they can work and earn money. Simply put, it is obvious that women have more
options
 than before.
For example
, women were not allowed to purchase homes for themselves in some territories in the
last
 decade;
however
, they have it now. China's population, no longer impoverished, demonstrates a clear increase in consumption. In conclusion, some
people
 assert that we have more choices than before, which I wholeheartedly agree with.
Submitted by mkhdermani on

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clarity comprehensive ideas
To improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, try to expand on each main point with more detailed explanations or examples. For example, when discussing technological advancements, you might explain how these directly lead to increased decision-making options in specific scenarios.
specific examples
Incorporate more varied and specific examples to illustrate your points better. This will make your argument more compelling and relatable.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is solid, moving from technological advancements to increased purchasing power as a cause of having more choices.
complete response
You have addressed the task by discussing the idea that there are more choices nowadays due to technological advancement and increased individual income.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
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