Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. Is it positive or negative development
Today, many young people are obsessed with playing computer
games
Use synonyms
instead
of sports. Regardless of some significant advantages of Linking Words
this
phenomenon, I reckon that it has more bad implications for Linking Words
children
's Use synonyms
health
and social life.
Use synonyms
Initially
, there are Linking Words
available
numerous benefits from indoor Correct word choice
apply
games
to acknowledge. First of all, Use synonyms
children
can acquire new skills based on advanced gadgets, Use synonyms
range
from keyboard navigation to networking. Wrong verb form
ranging
This
is indeed for them in Linking Words
digitized
world. Add an article
a digitized
the digitized
On the other hand
, it has Linking Words
a positive points
to enrich Correct the article-noun agreement
a positive point
positive points
children
's cognitive development. Use synonyms
For example
, when they play various Linking Words
games
that require critical thinking or Use synonyms
mentally
action, their brain can go to the miles to be active and solve some questions within Change the word
mental
games
. Indoor Use synonyms
games
are worthwhile to improve youngsters' Use synonyms
some
skills , Correct quantifier usage
apply
broading
their Correct your spelling
broadening
broaden
horizon
.
Despite several great advantages, I am still convinced that Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
addicting
to computer Replace the word
addiction
games
rather than outdoor activities can have serious concerns that we should not ignore them. It is known thatUse synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
such
Linking Words
games
Use synonyms
initially
influence Linking Words
on
general Change preposition
apply
health
involving bad posture, Use synonyms
vision
impairment, putting Correct word choice
and vision
children
at risk. Another issue of Use synonyms
this
view is poor socialism. We can witness that many Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
do
not keen on any activities Verb problem
are
expect
Correct your spelling
except
games
or do not spend time with their family and friends as Use synonyms
games
are appealing Use synonyms
them
. Change preposition
to them
As a consequence
, they can suffer from isolation or depression in some cases and want to often stay alone. Does it not only Linking Words
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
for
their mental Change preposition
apply
health
and social life but Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
Linking Words
causes
some threats Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
for
their futureChange preposition
to
.
In conclusion, Change the punctuation
?
although
most positive sides derive from playing computer Linking Words
games
, I tend to believe that Use synonyms
this
phenomenon, in turn, has more negative ones in terms of youth's Linking Words
health
, Use synonyms
future
compared to sports.Correct word choice
and future
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, include more precise examples to back your arguments. For instance, citing specific studies or educational theories related to the impact of computer games on cognitive development or health can make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using linking phrases and making clear transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Be cautious with word choice and phrasing to improve clarity. Phrases like 'their brain can go to the miles' should be rephrased for better understanding, such as 'their brains can be pushed to their limits.'
coherence cohesion
You have effectively introduced the topic and concluded with a clear opinion, which helps in maintaining a strong essay structure.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and covers both positive and negative aspects of playing computer games, showing an attempt at balanced argumentation.
task achievement
Your use of phrases like 'digitized world' and concerns about 'mental health and social life' demonstrate an understanding of contemporary issues affecting children.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example