Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. Is it positive or negative development

Today, many young people are obsessed with playing computer

games

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of sports. Regardless of some significant advantages of

this

Linking Words

phenomenon, I reckon that it has more bad implications for

children

Use synonyms

health

Use synonyms

and social life.

Initially

Linking Words

, there are

available

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

numerous benefits from indoor

games

Use synonyms

to acknowledge. First of all,

children

Use synonyms

can acquire new skills based on advanced gadgets,

range

Wrong verb form

ranging

show examples

from keyboard navigation to networking.

This

Linking Words

is indeed for them in

digitized

Add an article

a digitized

the digitized

show examples

world.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it has

a positive points

Correct the article-noun agreement

a positive point

positive points

show examples

to enrich

children

Use synonyms

's cognitive development.

For example

Linking Words

, when they play various

games

Use synonyms

that require critical thinking or

mentally

Change the word

mental

show examples

action, their brain can go to the miles to be active and solve some questions within

games

Use synonyms

. Indoor

games

Use synonyms

are worthwhile to improve youngsters'

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

skills ,

broading

Correct your spelling

broadening

broaden

their

horizon

Fix the agreement mistake

horizons

show examples

. Despite several great advantages, I am still convinced that

addicting

Replace the word

addiction

show examples

to computer

games

Use synonyms

rather than outdoor activities can have serious concerns that we should not ignore them. It is known that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

such

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

initially

Linking Words

influence

Change preposition

apply

show examples

general

health

Use synonyms

involving bad posture,

vision

Correct word choice

and vision

show examples

impairment, putting

children

Use synonyms

at risk. Another issue of

this

Linking Words

view is poor socialism. We can witness that many

children

Use synonyms

Verb problem

are

show examples

not keen on any activities

expect

Correct your spelling

except

show examples

games

Use synonyms

or do not spend time with their family and friends as

games

Use synonyms

are appealing

them

Change preposition

to them

show examples

As a consequence

Linking Words

, they can suffer from isolation or depression in some cases and want to often stay alone. Does it not only

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their mental

health

Use synonyms

and social life but

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

also

Linking Words

causes

Correct subject-verb agreement

cause

show examples

some threats

for

Change preposition

show examples

their future

Change the punctuation

show examples

In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

most positive sides derive from playing computer

games

Use synonyms

, I tend to believe that

this

Linking Words

phenomenon, in turn, has more negative ones in terms of youth's

health

Use synonyms

future

Correct word choice

and future

show examples

compared to sports.

Writing9

Dec 3, 2024

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task achievement

To improve task achievement, include more precise examples to back your arguments. For instance, citing specific studies or educational theories related to the impact of computer games on cognitive development or health can make your points stronger.

coherence cohesion

Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using linking phrases and making clear transitions between ideas.

task achievement

Be cautious with word choice and phrasing to improve clarity. Phrases like 'their brain can go to the miles' should be rephrased for better understanding, such as 'their brains can be pushed to their limits.'

coherence cohesion

You have effectively introduced the topic and concluded with a clear opinion, which helps in maintaining a strong essay structure.

task achievement

The essay addresses the prompt and covers both positive and negative aspects of playing computer games, showing an attempt at balanced argumentation.

task achievement

Your use of phrases like 'digitized world' and concerns about 'mental health and social life' demonstrate an understanding of contemporary issues affecting children.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

allure
captivate
supervise
accessible
scarcity
safer alternative
peer pressure
educational tools
cognitive skills
implications
obesity
poor posture
hand-eye coordination
problem-solving abilities

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A company offers a temporary job with no salary, but it helps you to gain some work experience. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter, -introduce your previous work experience -tell the manager which department you want to work -describe what expectation you have from the job

Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students are encouraged to make comments or even criticism of their teachers. Other think it will lead to a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.(huseyn mock)

Nowadays new technologies have changed children spend their free time. Advantages and outweigh the disadvantages of this view?

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their subjects, other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for all qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own view.