IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that teenagers should focus on all school subjects while others think that they should concentrate on the subjects where they do the best or find the most interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #focus #school #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Apprentices should concentrate more on
subjects
 that they like to learn, and
subjects
 that they consider
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
useful for them. By focusing on all
subjects
, it is
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
difficult to succeed in each subject, even if
Correct pronoun usage
one spend
show examples
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 much time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning.
Firstly
,
subjects
 that seem simple for teenagers, generally require no preparation, and there is more time left for other
subjects
. Even though, adolescents might consider that a subject is not
interested
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
 for them, it is not always the truth, as it could be useful in the future, and comprehensive development still remains important
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
such
 a young age.
On the other hand
, learning lectures that scholars are interested,
bringing
Change preposition
in brings
show examples
 big benefits over learning all topics. The reason for
this
 is that scholars spend all their study time on something just a few things they will become more professional at their work.
Moreover
, students will be less tired from school and
don't
Correct your spelling
won't
 lose attraction.
For example
, in the USA children can select some lectures and
also
 learn essential ones
such
 as mother tongue, math, and any language. So, pupils become successful in their businesses.
To sum up
, both perspectives have their benefits. In my opinion, we need to try both methods and assign which is comfortable for us.
Submitted by fruitextract on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay touches on both perspectives, the arguments could benefit from more depth and clarity. Ensure each point is fully developed and clearly explained.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow can be improved by using clearer topic sentences and transitions between points. This will help guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. Examples help in making arguments more concrete and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion restates the main points, but could more strongly reinforce the opinion stated. A more definitive stance would improve the conclusion's impact.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirement.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion at the end of the essay, which ties together the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps maintain a structured flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • versatility
  • critical thinking
  • well-rounded education
  • career paths
  • early specialization
  • cross-disciplinary skills
  • exposure to
  • motivation
  • deeper learning
  • expertise development
  • subject specialization
  • academic performance
  • mental health
  • balanced approach
  • core subjects
  • electives
  • passion-driven learning
  • foundational skills
  • individual student strengths
  • flexibility in education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: