IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The two charts that are given, provide information about how much energy is used and
result
Add an article
the result
a result
show examples
 of
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
greenhouse's
Change noun form
greenhouse
show examples
 gas emissions of Australians in different areas.
Overall
Linking Words
,
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 concept of heating had the highest rate in both charts if we group heating and
water
Use synonyms
 heating.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Cooling, lighting and refrigeration nearly remained stable, and other
appliances
Use synonyms
 almost doubled
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from 15% to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
28%. In
Use synonyms
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
, heating included half of the pie, with approximately 42%.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
water
Use synonyms
 heating kept its place in
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 highest energy area with
rate
Add an article
a rate
show examples
 of 30% and doubled the other
appliances
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Cooling, lighting and refrigeration had close numbers with each other
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 2% and 7%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Second
Change the article
the Second
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates significantly
water
Use synonyms
 heating and other
appliances
Use synonyms
 had the highest numbers.
However
Linking Words
, in the
first
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 heating had the highest consumption, but when it came to
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
, it did not
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the highest emissions consequences of
Use synonyms
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
.
Water
Use synonyms
 heating
stand
Change the verb form
stands
show examples
 steady.
For instance
Linking Words
, other
appliances
Use synonyms
 and refrigeration rose up and made
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 gap that
differce
Correct your spelling
difference
 from
first
Use synonyms
 one. In the end, cooling and lighting still had the lowest numbers.
Submitted by Bartu on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, appliances, first, chart with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 7 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average Australian household
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Energy consumption
  • Activities
  • Heating
  • Cooling
  • Water heating
  • Appliances
  • Lighting
  • Standby
  • Percentage (%)
  • Consumption patterns
  • Efficiency
  • Emissions impact
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy-saving measures
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Electricity
  • Natural gas
  • Emissions breakdown
  • Energy audit
  • Environmental impact
  • Conservation
  • Mitigation strategies
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