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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line chart gives information about the
number
Use synonyms
 of people
participate
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
 in five
activities
Use synonyms
 at a social centre in Melbourne, Australia,
such
Linking Words
 as film
club
Use synonyms
, martial arts, and amateur dramatics, in
participants
Use synonyms
, over a 21-year period from 2000 to 2020. It can clearly be seen that the
number
Use synonyms
 of film
club
Use synonyms
participants
Use synonyms
 was always the highest in all
activities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of table tennis
club
Use synonyms
 members saw the biggest over
this
Linking Words
 period.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 2000, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 in
musical
Correct article usage
the musical
show examples
performances
Change the noun form
performance
show examples
 field was the lowest among those
activities
Use synonyms
 with 0
Use synonyms
member
Change to a plural noun
members
show examples
. At that time, table tennis’s
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 had 16 people, and the
number
Use synonyms
 of martial arts
club
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 was over two-fold
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, at 35 people.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 between two
activities
Use synonyms
 which were amateur dramatics and table tennis,
was
Correct pronoun usage
which was
show examples
 20 members in 2010.
Finally
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the quantity of musical
performances’
Change noun form
performances
show examples
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 was the lowest figure during
16-year
Add an article
the 16-year
a 16-year
show examples
 period from 2000 to 2015, it increased and overcame the
number
Use synonyms
 of amateur dramatics
participants
Use synonyms
 in 2020,
were
Correct pronoun usage
which were
show examples
 18 and 5
participants
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Submitted by chauhongngoc.577 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, activities, club, participants, member with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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