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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many part of the world, it is common for one parent to stay and home and raise a newborn child while the other works full-time to earn money. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#part #world #parent #home #child #works #money
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It is a common view that moms must stay at home to take care of their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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while
Linking Words
 father needs to go to work or vice versa. Actually, a norm like
this
Linking Words
 can bring the advantage and the disadvantage, at the same time. On one side, moms can bond with their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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. On the other side, the mothers are susceptible to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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baby
Use synonyms
 blues.
At the end
Linking Words
, the conclusion will be made.
First,
Linking Words
newborns can have a strong relationship with their
Use synonyms
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
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. By giving
foods
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food
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 like milk, taking care of them, playing and sleeping together, the
mother
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 and the kids will be more close
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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.
As a result
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, when the children grow up, they feel more enjoyable around their
mother
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 and open to them.
For example
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, my friend is really close with her
mother
Use synonyms
 because her mom
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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caregiver of her since she was born.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is not good for
mental
Add an article
the mental
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 health of the mothers. Usually,
baby
Use synonyms
 blues
is happen
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 to a new
mother
Use synonyms
 because the father
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not help them because busy to work.
This
Linking Words
 situation is like adaption with their newborns and it makes the
mother
Use synonyms
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not get enough sleep because the
baby
Use synonyms
 is crying all day. It makes the
mother
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 feel stressed and can not handle the situation.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was news about a
mother
Use synonyms
 who nearly
kill
Wrong verb form
killed
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 her kid because the kid did not want to
quiet
Add a missing verb
be quiet
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 and make noise all the time.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the merit of one parent that
handle
Change the verb form
handles
show examples
 newborns will make the relationship between the
mother
Use synonyms
 and the
baby
Use synonyms
 stronger. Meanwhile, the
mother
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 will
vulnerable
Add a missing verb
be vulnerable
show examples
 to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
baby
Use synonyms
 blues because there is no help from the father. So, the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outweigh
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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task achievement
Focus on developing clear and comprehensive ideas. More examples and details could enhance the argument for the advantages as well as give a clearer picture of the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen logical connections between ideas. Ensure each point transitions smoothly to the next. Clarify the direct link between examples and explaining points.
language accuracy
Reread and correct minor language inaccuracies. For example, correct phrases like 'baby blues is happen' to 'baby blues happens.' Consistent language accuracy will give your argument more authority.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic, outlining potential pros and cons for readers to follow the argument logically.
task achievement
Good attempt to offer examples, such as the friend's relationship with her mother, which makes the essay more engaging and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Includes a clear conclusion that summarizes the discussion while weighing the advantages and disadvantages.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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