IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The debate over whether reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children has been a rather controversial topic.
However
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, others believe that kids should do whatever they like.
This
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 essay will elucidate both viewpoints and offer a personal perspective.
To begin
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 with, it is known that the book is a valuable resource that offers us great knowledge and creativity. By reading stories from books, they will attain a wide range of imagination
that is
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 of great help for developing skills
such
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 as creativity, quick thinking, and logic. These skills need to be developed during childhood with a firm foundation, and the tool to make it possible is by reading a lot.
Nevertheless
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, a child still should experience the fun and joy that one would feel during their youth. Only studying might affect the kid’s mental health negatively.
Thus
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, everything should be in balance. Of course, learning is exceptional
however
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, they
also
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 need to fill their thirst for fun by watching TV, and playing computer games. Children
also
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 learn unique skills through watching TV and playing video games,
such
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 as learning to speak in shows, cooking based on cooking shows, and making friends easily. In conclusion, even though studying through books is considered better, a youngster is the one that needs more than learning. We need to give them the satisfaction that they strive for, for them to have a healthy childhood
also
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 a solid foundation of mental health that can never be shaken.
Hence
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, I strongly believe that every young one deserves happiness, and they have the right to do whatever they like.

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relevant specific examples
Add more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For example, mention specific books or games that contribute to skill development.
supported main points
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develop it thoroughly before moving to the next. Consider elaborating more on the positive impacts of television and games.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up the debate around reading versus TV and games. It also mentions a personal perspective, which provides a unique angle.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly ties the arguments together and reiterates a strong personal stance, which enhances the essay's overall message.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Imagination
  • Visualization
  • Complex vocabulary
  • Sentence structure
  • Focus
  • Concentration
  • Passive activity
  • Interactive activity
  • Gratification
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Cultural perspective
  • Historical perspective
  • Attention span
  • Educational enrichment
  • Cognitive development
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