IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people consider public libraries to be unnecessary due to the availability of the Internet. Others, however, believe that libraries play an important role in society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #libraries #availability #internet #role #society
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There is no denying the fact that public
libraries
 are available around the world.
While
 it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commonly believed that these
libraries
 are no longer essential because of the existence of the
internet
, there is
also
 an argument
argues
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
is needed
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 these
libraries
due to
 their significant
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role play in it.
This
 essay will
analysis
Replace the word
analyse
show examples
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, the
internet
 has provided individuals with necessary sources to find information or
books
, which has reduced the importance of public
libraries
.
In other words
, people today are able to use the
internet
 to search about certain
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics
show examples
 and
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 without time or place boundaries.
In addition
, with the availability of the
internet
 governments may be able to reduce the expenses they spend on these
libraries
such
 as maintenance costs, which may help governments
allocating
Wrong verb form
allocate
show examples
 budget
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 improving
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 infrastructure.
For example
,
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 government have closed all public
libraries
 and replaced them with online ones in order to save their expenses.
On the other hand
, public
libraries
 contribute to the development of society
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
 they provide. It is
also
 possible to say that discussion sessions about various
books
 which are introduced by
libraries
 enhance the attendance’s knowledge and awareness about different
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
, and develop their interpersonal skills.
This
 may play
role
Correct article usage
a role
show examples
 in leveraging the collaboration values within society.
Moreover
, there are some historical
books
 and documents about the country’s civilization and culture
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 not allowed to
access
Wrong verb form
be accessed
show examples
 through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. These types of
books
 are essential to be delivered to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation, in order to link them with their ancestors
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and to preserve their cultural values and traditions.
Submitted by alaaalasiry on

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task achievement
Ensure clearer thesis statement to express opinion more precisely.
task achievement
Revise grammar to enhance clarity, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more organized structure; consider stating your opinion more clearly and summarizing both views more distinctly.
task achievement
Good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Main points are supported with examples, e.g., Japanese government example.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow between ideas is present, moving from one point to another with relative ease.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community hubs
  • Educational events
  • Workshops
  • Community services
  • Free resources
  • Electronic resources
  • Curated sources
  • Credible
  • Literacy programs
  • Learning initiatives
  • Community development
  • Distractions
  • Conducive environment
  • Technological advancements
  • Digitalization
What to do next:
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