It is better for people to be unemployed than being employed with a job they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #job

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There are

people

Use synonyms

out there who argue

to be

Change preposition

that being

show examples

unemployed is better than having a

job

Use synonyms

, but they

Verb problem

are

show examples

not happy with their work. I think

this

Linking Words

is a big misconception between employed and unemployed. In my point of view,

people

Use synonyms

must be employed to help themselves.

Besides

Linking Words

that, they can help

others

Use synonyms

who

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

their donation.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

people

Use synonyms

who

are having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

job

Use synonyms

will not

dependent

Add a missing verb

be dependent

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

others

Use synonyms

. They can buy their own

foods

Fix the agreement mistake

food

show examples

, clothes,

furnitures

Change the wording

furniture

types of furniture

pieces of furniture

items of furniture

show examples

, etc and they have activities to do.

As a result

Linking Words

, they can

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their needs and because they have assignments to do at work, they will not

disturbing

Wrong verb form

disturb

show examples

others

Use synonyms

and be more independent.

For instance

Linking Words

, I work every day with workhours 9 AM to 5 PM,

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

makes me busy and do not easily attach to other

people

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, there are

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

show examples

people

Use synonyms

who need our attention like charity.

Orphanes

Correct your spelling

Orphaned

and older

people

Use synonyms

can not fulfil their basic needs because they do not have jobs. By giving money to them, it will really

helpful

Replace the word

help

show examples

and reduce their hardships.

For example

Linking Words

, I

use

Wrong verb form

used

show examples

to give around 5 per cent

from

Change preposition

show examples

my salary every month to donate to an orphanage.

Therefore

Linking Words

, by being employed,

people

Use synonyms

are not

Verb problem

cannot

show examples

just

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

help their self but

also

Linking Words

others

Use synonyms

To sum up

Linking Words

, there is a debate

whether

Change preposition

about whether

show examples

is good to be employed but

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not enjoy

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their career or unemployed. Even though they are not happy with their

job

Use synonyms

but

Change preposition

apply

show examples

being employed is really important to help ourselves and other

people

Use synonyms

. So, it is better to have a

job

Use synonyms

Submitted by wishmeluck on Thu Dec 05 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

To improve task achievement, try to make your ideas more comprehensive and fully developed by including more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

For better coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your paragraphs more logically. Ensure that each paragraph fully develops one main idea and that your ideas flow seamlessly from one to the next.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a nice framework for your arguments.

task achievement

The task response addresses the topic and reflects on the debate effectively, showing your position clearly.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Job satisfaction
Mental and emotional well-being
Stress
Depression
Financial instability
Quality of life
Job dissatisfaction
Career goals
Skills and experiences
Networking opportunities
Social isolation
Productivity

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
You are living in a University residence, and you have a problem with the high levels of noise from a new campus restaurant which is open until midnight. Write a letter to the governor of the University. In your letter, complain about the situation say why this is a problem and propose ways to reduce the noise Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.
I am writing this letter to inform you about the problem of the high level of noise from a new campus restaurant which is open late at night.
6.5
band
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Rural-urban migration being a widespread trend all over the world leads to a decrease in the countryside population. From my perspective, this is a negative development which can be a reason for overpopulation in cities and cultural erosion of countryside.
4
band
Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively.
Financial education must be taught in schools as one of the important subjects, so that the students may manage their currency more effectively. I agree with this statement because it is one of the more important subjects and it helps the students to prepare for adulthood and mature life.
6.5
band
Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The prevalence of computers and mobile phones has changed the way in which young people communicate with others. Personally, I believe that these technologies do not have wholly negative impacts on their reading and writing skills. Rather, it depends on the mode of use and which sector they have employed.
6.5
band
Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid?
In the present times, it has become increasingly common for famous celebrities like actors, musicians and athletes to be paid a much higher sum of money. One faction of people believe that this is not the right thing while others are of the view that they deserve this. I partially agree with the latter argument and at the same time, believe that there are other professions which deserve to be paid highly as well. This essay will explore these arguments and provide my humble opinion on this matter.

It is better for people to be unemployed than being employed with a job they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively.

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid?