IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The line shows the number of undergraduate students in thousands in four countries between 1995 and 2015.

The line graph gives information about how many students were
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 undergraduate level in Sweden,
Greece
Use synonyms
,
Spain
Use synonyms
 and
Austria
Use synonyms
 in the years 1995 and 2015. Looking at increases
first,
Linking Words
by 1995
Spain
Use synonyms
,
Greece
Use synonyms
 and
Austria
Use synonyms
 accounted for about 260,000, almost 100,000 and 250,000, respectively. After a 10-year period, the number of undergraduates in
Greece
Use synonyms
 rose moderately from nearly 100,000 to just over 150,000, before slightly increasing to about 170,000 in 2015.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the figure for
Austria
Use synonyms
 was
lowest
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 than
Spain
Use synonyms
 throughout the span, it experienced small decreases from almost 250,000 to around 230,000 in 2005.
Austria
Use synonyms
 which
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 to just over 200,000 in 2010, had shown an uninterrupted increase by about 280,000 in the final year. The data for
Spain
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, showed a marked growth until 2010, being higher
from
Change preposition
than
show examples
 all of
other
Add an article
the other
show examples
 countries,
thereafter
Linking Words
 which it dropped minimally to amount to roughly 320,000
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. The pattern change in Sweden was a far cry from the rest in the beginning,
however
Linking Words
.
Although
Linking Words
 it decreased to just over 300,000, exceeding around 290,000 in 2005 and reaching about 300,000 in 2010.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, it saw a sharp fall to slightly more than 200,000 bachelor's level students.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of undergraduates in
Span
Correct your spelling
Spain
show examples
,
Greece
Use synonyms
 and
Austria
Use synonyms
 experienced
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 upward
tren
Correct your spelling
trend
show examples
 over the period, Sweden,
however
Linking Words
, showed a significant fall than those countries.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Improve sentence clarity by simplifying complex sentences where appropriate.
improvement
Use a consistent tense throughout the essay to maintain clarity.
positive
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good overview of the topic.
positive
Data is mostly well-integrated into the narrative to effectively support the description of trends.
positive
The trends for each country are discussed in detail, showing a good understanding of the graph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: