IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its headoffice in another country. Write a letter to your manager in your letter 1.Explain why you want to work in the company's head office for six months 2. Say how your work could be done while you are away. 3. Ask for his/her help in arranging it.

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Dear sir, I have been working
to
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 company for the
last
Linking Words
 years as a senior software engineer. I am currently looking to move
on
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to
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 head office division 4.
And it
Correct word choice
It
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 is located in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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states
Capitalize word
States
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. I briefly explain in
this
Linking Words
 letter about my transformation. I have well
experienced
Replace the word
experience
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 in software and I am interested
to
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in working
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work
Use synonyms
 in logistics and admin control of applications but here we have only software
developing
Replace the word
development
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 so I need to go there
for
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to
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 upgrade myself to learn more certain things and the working period is just 6 months
then
Linking Words
 I will back to here for the
work
Use synonyms
. I already organized Mr. Jacob (Senior soft engineer) and I informed
everything
Correct pronoun usage
him everything
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 about my project
works
Verb problem
apply
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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he will
work
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
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 that
as well as
Linking Words
 update you. I need a
big
Fix the agreement mistake
lot of
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 support from you especially,
make
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in making
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 some arrangements for my travel plan like tickets, visa,
appointment
Correct word choice
and appointment
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 order.
Additionally
Linking Words
, please inform
to
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apply
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the concerned person who is in head office. Kindly send an official appointment letter to them which is more important. You will accept my
work
Use synonyms
 plan and I am looking for your valuable feedback Regards, Mark
antony
Change the capitalization
Antony
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logical structure
Enhance the logical structure by organizing the content in a more sequential order. For instance, start by explaining your experience, then your reasons for the move, followed by how work will be managed in your absence, and concluding with your request for assistance.
single idea per paragraph
Ensure each paragraph covers a single idea to improve readability and clarity. For example, separate the paragraph explaining your experience and reasons for moving from the paragraph about your work arrangement.
complete response
The letter clearly states the reason for the request to work in another country and describes how work will be managed in the author's absence.
suitable writing tone
The letter uses an appropriate and polite tone throughout, suitable for communication with a manager.
greeting and closing
The letter contains a respectful greeting and closing, which are important for formal communication.
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