IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It has been suggested that the times of the school day should be changed, to start and finish one hour later. Write an article of about 120 to 160 words for your school magazine giving your views

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Should
school
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time
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 be changed to start and finish one
hour
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 later? Every morning
students
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 wake up early in the morning to go to
school
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 and they may finish in the afternoon. Many
students
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 have mentioned
about
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apply
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this
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 being a problem. So the question here is, whether
school
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time
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 should be changed to start and
finsh
Correct your spelling
finish
 an
hour
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 later? As a student myself, I can understand how difficult it must be to get up so early in the morning.
However
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, if
school
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time
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 were changed
students
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 would not have any
time
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 to do any homework or assignments later during the day as they would be too tired after
school
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.
And
Correct word choice
This
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this
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 may become a big issue mainly because
students
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 might be told to finish their homework for the next day.
Moreover
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, if
school
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time
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 were changed,
students
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 would have no
time
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 for any
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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 activities. Schools aren't just for studying, of course. Sports and other events cannot be held if
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school
Add an article
the school
a school
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 were to finish later.
Students
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 would want to engage in something else, but if
school
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time
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 were to be changed, it may not be possible.
In addition
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,
students
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 will
also
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 not have enough
time
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 to rest. They would have to wake up later in the morning to go to
school
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, and by the
time
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 they get back home, they will be tired and will not have
anymore
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any more
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 energy to do
anthing
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anything
 else. In conclusion, I believe that
school
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time
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 should not be changed to start and finish one
hour
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 later. I
also
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 believe that there isn't honestly a huge
time
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 gap, since it is only one
hour
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 and
students
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 will have to face some negative effects. So, it may just be not necessary to change
school
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time
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 after all.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to back up your arguments. For instance, mention specific extracurricular activities that might be affected or describe a typical student's daily routine and how it would be impacted.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your points with a bit more depth to fully show the consequences or benefits of the proposed time change. This will strengthen your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly introduces the topic and concludes with a personal opinion, showing an effective use of introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Logical reasoning is apparent, as the main points regarding homework, extracurricular activities, and rest are clear and support your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure, with paragraphs organized around distinct topics, which aids in understanding your reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sleep deprivation
  • circadian rhythm
  • academic performance
  • alertness
  • concentration
  • well-being
  • schedule adjustments
  • transportation logistics
  • after-school activities
  • family routines
  • time management
  • school timetable
What to do next:
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