IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table shows The table shows the proportions of pupils attending foue secondary school types between 2000 and 2009

The table shows The table shows the proportions of pupils attending foue secondary school types between 2000 and 2009
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The given table shows the ratio of pupils who attended four types of secondary
schools
Use synonyms
 namely, Specialist
schools
Use synonyms
, Grammar
schools
Use synonyms
, Voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
, and
Community
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 during 2000 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of attendees in Voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 drastically,
while
Linking Words
, in
community
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
schools
Add a comma
schools,
show examples
 the percentage of students increased by 46%. In specialist
Use synonyms
schools
Add a comma
schools,
show examples
 the proportion of students remained almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 each year because it had just decreased by 1% every five years.
However
Linking Words
, in the Grammer
schools
Use synonyms
, the initial
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of attendees
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 24%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000 but by 2009 it reduced by half.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
community
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2000, there were only 12%
students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
 but it increased significantly
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every 5
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
,
by
Correct word choice
and by
show examples
 2009 more than half of the people attended
community
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 which is 58%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in Voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
 the ratio of admissions
shrink
Wrong verb form
shrank
show examples
, in 2000 the ratio was 52%, which was much more than
of
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
 other
schools
Use synonyms
, but by 2009 it got
lessend
Correct your spelling
lessened
lessen
 by 32%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words schools, community with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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