There are some people who believe that family members are very important in our life while other says that friends are more important .Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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People
have different views about what the most important in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Some
people
believe that we should
put
Verb problem
make
show examples
family
member
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members
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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our priority
due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
very
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
,
while
some
people
believe that
friends
are
very
Rephrase
apply
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essential.
This
essay will examine both views and explain my own perspective.
To begin
with,
For
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apply
show examples
some
people
still believe that Family is everything, they will do anything if
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
related to family matters. There are some reasons why some
people
always put their family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
in their own priority
than
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over
show examples
other things, but the main reason for that
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
family is very
supported
Replace the word
supportive
show examples
. it is undoubtedly that
people
who always be with you
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
family, whatever the situations you
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
, they always be there for you to support you.
For instance
, a father usually
accept
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accepts
show examples
his
doughter
Correct your spelling
daughter
and
forgive
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forgives
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her,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
his
doughter
Correct your spelling
daughter
made a fatal mistake, like
got
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getting
show examples
pregnant before
merriage
Correct your spelling
marriage
. I believe that the only one who really genuinely
care
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cares
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
you is your family,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
, for some
reasons
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reason
show examples
they were mad but they did it with good excuses.
However
, other
people
believe that
friends
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
more important. having a good friend is very
greatfull
Correct your spelling
grateful
, friend can support you and give you motivation more than your family members do.
Additionally
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Additionally,
show examples
for
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apply
show examples
some
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
they can
spent
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spend
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
time with their
friends
more
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apply
show examples
than
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
family, so
that is
why
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some individuals
that they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
strengthen
Wrong verb form
strengthened
show examples
bounding
Correct your spelling
bonding
show examples
with
friends
compare
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compared
show examples
to their family. From my perspective not all
friends
is honestly
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honestly care
show examples
care
, there are so many fake
friends
out there,
thus
we need to be
carefull
Correct your spelling
careful
to select
Change preposition
in selecting
show examples
our own
friends
. having
a bad
Correct the article-noun agreement
bad friends
a bad friend
show examples
friends
can be a disaster
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
, a fake friend
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
pretend to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
care
, but behind
you
Add a comma
you,
show examples
they make some strategy to make you fail.
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
show examples
, Family is very significant to our life
,
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apply
show examples
because they always support us in every
situations
Change to a singular noun
situation
show examples
,
however
,
friends
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
important as long as the
friends
we have
are truly genuinely
Change the verb form
truly genuinely care
show examples
care
.
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve sentence variety to enhance clarity and engagement. Use complex structures and varying sentence lengths.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main topic with relevant examples or elaboration. Some points can be further developed.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. This will help strengthen the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the discussion well.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view on the importance of family and friends, which shows your ability to consider multiple perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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