Blood sports (any spots involving Killing or shedding of blood as bull fighting, cockfighting or hunting)have become hot topic for debate in recent years.as society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed.blood sports should be banned.TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE

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As empathy and consciousness
regading
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regarding
to
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apply
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animals
is
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are
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becoming more and more important to the population, sports related to harming any living being are
dissapearing
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disappearing
. From my point of view, hurting cannot be called
sport
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a sport
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,
neither
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nor
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an entertainment.  Is it true that
activites
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activities
like hunting have been, and actually are, for some people their way of living as they live in certain areas where food is not as accessible as in the most populated areas
.
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?
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Even
this
could be a strong argument, it cannot be an excuse not to take action against animal cruelty. 
Pursue
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Pursuing
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wild life
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wildlife
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with the only purpose of having fun
while
killling
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killing
an animal is sadistic and uncivilized. When is hunting season many innocent lives are being taken, like baby mammals which are not permitted to kill.
Also
, some of these animals sometimes are hurt and left agonizing until they die, which is a sad way to end their lives.
This
could be considered a biodiversity
threaten
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threat
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.
Furthermore
, one of the main statements that
it
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apply
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is used to defend these horrific acts called sports is that these are
tradition
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traditions
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. In some places like Spain,
bull fighting
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bullfighting
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is
extremelly
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extremely
normal, these acts are taking place almost every day. Some of them may not involve killing the animal but it does not mean that they do not suffer.
Moreover
, children are
also
taken to watch
this
extreme violence, which could leave them
mental
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with mental
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issues. In conclusion, taking part
against
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in
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blood sports is crucial for a healthy society. I strongly believe that banning these events could make a big difference in our relationship with nature.
Submitted by lusitusi:) on

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coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Further elaborate on each point with more detailed examples or statistics.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue of blood sports, arguing that they should be banned due to cruelty towards animals.
coherence cohesion
You consistently maintain your position throughout the essay, providing a coherent argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Blood sports
  • Uncivilized activity
  • Cruelty to animals
  • Ethical implications
  • Cultural tradition
  • Conservation efforts
  • Biodiversity
  • Psychological effects
  • Desensitization
  • Alternative sports
  • Empathy
  • Compassion
  • Banning
  • Animal rights
  • Recreational activities
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