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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think it is important for all children to learn history in school. Others believe that other subjects are more relevant to children’s life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #history #school #subjects #children’s #life
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Learning
subjects
 in schools has become an indispensable part of
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 system.some individuals
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that
history
 plays
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 significant role in educational institutions.
However
,others believe that
subjects
 like maths,science and languages are crucial
subjects
 for learning.In
this
 essay,I will
ellaborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
.
To begin
 with,teaching
history
 in
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some benefits
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 pupils to know the life of their ancestors.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the way of living in
early
Add an article
the early
an early
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 stage is entirely different from the
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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 era.
Moreover
,it will help the students to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 cultural pattern in past.
However
,they can follow the same method in future.
For instance
,in
India
Add a comma
India,
show examples
 some festivals are still
celebrating
Wrong verb form
celebrated
show examples
 and follow the
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 of our
ancestor
Fix the agreement mistake
ancestors
show examples
.
this
 will help the children to become a good personality in society.
This
 is mainly
due to
 the
aware
Replace the word
awareness
show examples
 of the subject like
history
. On the other side,children should study the fundamentals like
Arthemetics
Correct your spelling
Mathematics
,English,
Chemistry
Correct word choice
and Chemistry
show examples
 for various
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
.On the ground that,learning these topics will ease the learners to obtain a bright career in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future.
For example
,attaining a good job is a dream of every
learners
Change to a singular noun
learner
show examples
.
Hence
, studying some essentials like information technology will help to become
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 IT professional.
As a result
,learning these
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 is very necessary. In conclusion,both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history
 and other
subjects
 are crucial to learn in schools.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
each subject has there own benefits and
pecularities
Correct your spelling
peculiarities
.
For studying
Change preposition
Studying
show examples
history
 is the best way to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 of our ancestors
whereas
 other
subjects
 are very important to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work.
Submitted by renimahesan92 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure by linking ideas more smoothly, avoiding abrupt shifts and repetitive phrases.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments, enhancing the depth of your response.
task achievement
Both views are presented with a clear stance in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a well-defined introduction and conclusion, ensuring the reader understands the main ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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