IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Science advanced so much that it can now make it possible for people to live 100 years or even 200 years. Some people think it’s a good thing, while others think it is bad. Discuss both these views and write your opinion.

#science #people #years #it’s
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern life
Add a comma
,
show examples
a lot of the population
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 started to believe,that science
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
devolped
Correct your spelling
developed
 into making anything possible
such
Linking Words
 as making people live as big as 200. I highly agree that anything is possible
however
Linking Words
, science
haven't
Change the verb form
hasn't
show examples
 changed to that extent
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 kind of insane to actually believe that
firstly
Linking Words
, how can someone live for that long?
is
Capitalize word
Is
show examples
 it technology , medication or just luck
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 It
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
controversial
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
can
Correct word choice
that can
show examples
 conterduct our
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 religious people . How can someone live for almost
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
 or more ? I just feel
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 a mad idea
to
Add the comma(s)
, to
show examples
 be honest.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 some
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 have actually defrosted a frozen body that was frozen for a decade and there was no movement
becaudse
Correct your spelling
because
 yes you can preserve the body ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the spirit is gone nothing will move that.
Secondly
Linking Words
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 actually dangerous to possibly make someone who lived over 100 to function in
this
Linking Words
 modern life ,
how
Correct word choice
or how
show examples
 will he communicate ? or how he will find sources or supplies to live on ? a lot of
contridacted
Correct your spelling
contracted
contradicted
 answers can't be answered.
Therefore
Linking Words
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 for our own good that our life span is not as long as 200 ,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 hard to do simple tasks yes some live up to 100 but some count their days . In my opinion , living to
limit
Correct article usage
the limit
show examples
 is lovely but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with the concept
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 anything is possible
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 not to that level.
Submitted by dr.hessahaljalahma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make sure to structure your essay with clear paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps in better organization and makes it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
examples
Attempt to provide more specific examples to support the ideas presented in your essay. This builds credibility and strengthens your argument.
grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of plural and singular forms.
balance
Expand on your points with more details. Address both views of the topic more evenly before giving your opinion to achieve comprehensive balance in your essay.
idea
The essay presents an interesting perspective on how extending life spans could create challenges, both technologically and socially.
opinion
You have clearly expressed your personal opinion, which is important for an IELTS task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: