IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the best way to reduce the time that people spend travelling to work is to have large roads that go through the city centre .others however ,think that there are more effective ways to reduce the time people spend travelling to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #time #work #roads #city #centre
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Some argue that the ideal solution to decrease the amount of hours people spend to commute for workplace is to have
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
roads
 that pass through the city centre
.
Correct your spelling
while
while
 others would say that
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 reduce the
time
 spent by the people.
Although
 I believe that widening
roads
 is not an easy task it involves multiple steps as it
also
 involves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government approval and it may take
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
while
. The best way to save the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of hours that people spend on travelling is by providing employers with
work from home
Add a hyphen
work-from-home
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 as it doesn’t affect the quality of
employees
Change noun form
employees'
employee's
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. Instinctively widening
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
roads
 through
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 centre involves a complex process .It will affect the whole city for a
while
 and it may not
that
Add a missing verb
be that
show examples
 easy to
wide
Replace the word
widen
show examples
 the
roads
mainly
Capitalize word
Mainly
show examples
roads
 in cities are narrow a bit and
also
 it should be approved by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 and some public don’t want
this renovations
Change the determiner
this renovation
these renovations
show examples
.It is not an easy task for the authorities as it involves particular steps and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 need to look for
contractor’s
Change noun form
contractor
show examples
 and it
also
 needs their suggestions it is never known until and unless they initiate the process. The best way to save
time
 is to provide
employees
work from
Verb problem
with
show examples
home
Correct your spelling
work-from-home
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 as
this
 allows
employees
 to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the
work
 on
time
 .
And it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
also
 provides
employees
quality
Change preposition
with quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
 to spend with their families. Employers don’t feel
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 about their job and it will be more flexible .So that it doesn’t affect the
employee
Change noun form
employee's
show examples
 mental health ,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
 organisations
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit from the employee as it will not affect the productivity of
work
.
To conclude
,
this
 essay argues that
widening
Correct article usage
the widening
show examples
 of
roads
 doesn’t help the employee to save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 the best possible way is to get able to
work
 from home as it improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity.
Submitted by prasannapatibandla8 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task response, provide more detailed arguments and ensure that each point is fully developed. Use relevant examples to illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas. Also, ensure that paragraphs have clear central topics with supporting details.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, which is important for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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