Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
At
the beginning, increasing a country's income may impact Change the preposition
In
the
community satisfaction in some aspects, in my Correct article usage
apply
opinion
being a Add a comma
opinion,
wealth
country, Replace the word
wealthy
dose
mean providing Correct your spelling
does
better
life, Add an article
a better
more
accessibility to many Correct word choice
and more
services
through investments, however
the low-income population may suffer.
In regard to the cons of being a country with a high income, Add the comma(s)
however,
this
may facilitate the living needs, such
as better health care services
, affording
more leisure places, lower rates of unemployment, and better educational opportunities and scholarships.
Verb problem
apply
In
the other hand, Change preposition
On
this
is
could lead to Unnecessary verb
apply
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
the
cost of all the above-mentioned Change preposition
in the
services
, with a
negative consequences, including increasing in Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
a
specific Correct article usage
apply
diseases
rates, Change the noun form
disease
such
as hypertension, diabties
and other morbidities related to obesity, Correct your spelling
diabetes
in addition
to poor housing, and lower education. However
Add a comma
However,
the
Correct article usage
apply
medium income
communities may Add a hyphen
medium-income
got
affected Change the verb form
get
be got
also
with a higher levels
of chronic diseases, Correct the article-noun agreement
higher levels
a higher level
as a result
of the busy life style
and inactivity.
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
To conclude
, the
third world countries are the most rich countries, with high Correct article usage
apply
economy
, citizens will experience more contentment, Fix the agreement mistake
economies
due to
the availability of multiple advantages, that promote a better quality of living and a happier life. So any additional in the budget will increase the availability of more services
,
and will open the window for outsourcing some Remove the comma
apply
services
and adopting new ones.Submitted by shamranimm01 on
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structure
Try to clearly structure your essay with a clear introduction that outlines your main points and a clear conclusion summarizing your stance. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
development
Ensure each paragraph has a clear, single main idea that supports your overall argument, and develop this idea with relevant supporting details.
examples
Use specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mentioning particular countries or studies that support your argument can help make your points more convincing.
balanced discussion
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, considering some of the potential benefits and drawbacks of increased wealth in a rich country.
language variety
You have used a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.