IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people in the city live in small space and without outdoor space. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

#people #city #space #development
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A
lot
Use synonyms
 of civillians have been keen on living in small spaces , that lack outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 . I believe that having an outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 can be
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 in case of getting fresh air and
to refresh
Change the verb form
refreshing
show examples
 the place by just changing the humidity and weather inside.
However
Linking Words
, with
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 modern lifestyle and
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 cost of renting the demand to have an actual backyard
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 a
space
Use synonyms
 outside isn'
t
Use synonyms
 as highly as important as it used to be.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 a bit controversial to force my own opinion that outdoors are
life changing
Add a hyphen
life-changing
show examples
, because you can experience the same thrill and
excitment
Correct your spelling
excitement
 as if you are walking in public parks.
In addition
Linking Words
 , to that I feel that small spaces might be an ideal thing because we spend most of our hours at work or outside.
For example
Linking Words
, small places can provide a feeling of safety because there
isn'
Correct subject-verb agreement
aren't
show examples
t
Use synonyms
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of doors to lock or to just simply worry about if there's a robbery or theft in
neighbourhood
Add an article
the neighbourhood
show examples
.
Hower
Correct your spelling
However
show examples
, with outdoor spaces you worry a
lot
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 that someone might break in from that door.A
lot
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 of studies have
done
Add a missing verb
been done
show examples
 lately on
wheither
Correct your spelling
whether
 people prefer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 or not , and if it's
life changing
Add a hyphen
life-changing
show examples
. Many actually were thrilled to live without an outdoor because they
feel
Wrong verb form
felt
show examples
 it
helps
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 them finish their steps,
be
Correct word choice
and be
show examples
 more active and social .
For example
Linking Words
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 like a community where everyone
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 together
walk
Correct subject-verb agreement
walks
show examples
 outside and just
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 the things they can in an empty
space
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 developed the need to ask about each other,
catch
Correct word choice
and catch
show examples
 up
this
Linking Words
 helped with reducing
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of crimes in the region. Few
civillians
Correct your spelling
civilians
 actually loved their private outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 and they suggested that with it they have more privacy to be intimate with their partner, hang out with their children and just feel free , no
boundries
Correct your spelling
boundaries
 attached.
For example
Linking Words
 in rich areas where they are classified
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you hardly see anyone in public parks .
In addition
Linking Words
 , to that you rarely see good
realtionships
Correct your spelling
relationships
 with people living next to them. In conclusion , I believe that having an outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 is lovely and not having one is
also
Linking Words
 a good experience , it shouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 limit the way you live , in
general
Add the comma(s)
general,
show examples
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
bias
Replace the word
biased
show examples
 to pick sides but I feel it shouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 influence and change your life.
Submitted by dr.hessahaljalahma on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the logical structure and organization of your essay. Consider using clear paragraphing with topic sentences that guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are fully developed and supported with relevant examples and explanations. This will enhance the completeness of your response.
General Advice
Proofread for minor grammatical errors and ensure consistency in your argument. This will improve overall clarity and comprehensiveness.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have introduced and concluded your essay effectively, which provides a strong frame for your argument.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt with relevant points and examples, indicating a good understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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