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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes？How to encourage young people to study？

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Certainly, many graduates
while
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 leaving a school push themselves back from learning. It is a contentious issue what the causes of
this
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 problem are. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on
this
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 subject and give my own ideas of how youngsters can be motivated to study.
To begin
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 with, the system should open towards modern changes. Nowadays, innovation
play
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plays
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 a pivotal role in
kids
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' lives. To give a clear example, children often use AI solutions namely, Chat GDP to make their studying more efficient. Yet, it is not allowed to use
such
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 tools in schools because some are scared of the fraud. If we forbid Artificial Intelligence usage in educational institutions, children will be discouraged.
Therefore
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, I believe technologies in schools should be regulated rather than banned.
Secondly
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, young people are
in
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under
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a
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apply
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constant stress during their education. Because there is not sufficient psychological help,
kids
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 are overwhelmed by the amount of homework and tests. I opt for putting people first and matching the program to individuals
instead
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 of trying to push into schedule as many hours as possible. At present,
this
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 is the case.
To conclude
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, it is a serious problem that children have a bad attitude towards academic journey after finishing school. There are several causes of
this
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 phenomenon
such
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 as the lack of modern solutions accessibility and no individual approach supporting
psychology
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the psychology
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 of the young generation. I concur that to increase
kids
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' satisfaction we should give them more flexibility;
however
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, regulate it.
For instance
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, set
the
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apply
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clear AI usage rules and involve more psychologists in
kids
Use synonyms
' lives.

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coherence and cohesion
Revise the structure of your essay to ensure that each paragraph follows a clear main idea and has supporting details related to that idea. This will improve the logical flow of your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly highlight the connection between each cause and the negative attitude towards learning. Strengthening this relationship will make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or studies to support your points about the use of technology and mental health issues. This will enhance the relevance of your arguments.
task achievement
You effectively introduce the topic and present your thesis statement, outlining the areas you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay exhibits a strong conclusion that summarizes your main points and suggests practical solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • holistic understanding
  • irrelevant
  • disengage
  • supportive learning environment
  • undiganosed issues
  • frustration
  • aversion
  • peer pressure
  • stigma
  • academically inclined
  • non-academic peers
  • digital age
  • over-reliance
  • instant gratification
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