IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes？How to encourage young people to study？

#people #school #attitudes #causes？how #study？
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Nowadays, many consider
education
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 to be a negative experience. It is a contentious issue of how to
change
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people
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's perceptions and motivate them to study. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on
this
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 subject and express my opinion about the causes of
this
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 phenomenon.
To begin
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 with, the modern system of
education
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 does not differ from the old one. We do not adjust programs in schools to the current world challenges. Namely, we forbid to use
technological
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of technological
show examples
 devices and do not explain how AI may help us in school tasks. The lack of useful knowledge
discourage
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discourages
show examples
 children from studying. They choose to cheat rather than study something that they do not see as useful.
Moreover
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, even adults struggle to be up to date with information. After graduating from high school we may think that it is the time to
finally
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 start studying relevant topics.
Nevertheless
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, we live in a constantly changing world.
Therefore
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, we experience that not only demand for skills
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 for professions
change
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 year by year.
This
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 causes
people
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 to hate learning. One of the solutions may be to acknowledge
people
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 on how to be more flexible and
change
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 professions. If we teach
people
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 how to do it, they will not be afraid of wasting their time on
education
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.
To sum up
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, there are many significant doubts of young
people
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 in the matter of learning. The negative attitude is caused mostly by uncertainty and bad adjustment of
education
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 institutions.
Consequently
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, we should
change
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 the system to encourage to study.
Submitted by Aga on

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TASK ACHIEVEMENT
Consider including more specific examples to support your main points. This will help to reinforce your arguments and make them more tangible to the reader.
TASK ACHIEVEMENT
Provide clear solutions or recommendations for encouraging young people to study, with actionable steps that can be taken. This can enhance the task achievement score.
COHERENCE COHESION
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which summarize the main points and reflect on the essay's subject matter effectively.
COHERENCE COHESION
Logical structure is evident, with paragraphs following a sensible order and ideas that flow logically from one to the next.
TASK ACHIEVEMENT
The essay addresses the causes of negative attitudes towards learning and suggests potential measures to address these issues, thus meeting the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • holistic understanding
  • irrelevant
  • disengage
  • supportive learning environment
  • undiganosed issues
  • frustration
  • aversion
  • peer pressure
  • stigma
  • academically inclined
  • non-academic peers
  • digital age
  • over-reliance
  • instant gratification
What to do next:
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