IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#education #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are so many different ways, with the help of which a
person
Use synonyms
 can be educated. Growing up slowly, a
person
Use synonyms
 faces up with different kinds of
education
Use synonyms
. In my opinion the
education
Use synonyms
, which was given by the family is much more important, than the
education
Use synonyms
 that was obtained in
school
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 the
education
Use synonyms
, that was received by
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 will serve as a foundation for the
further
Linking Words
uprbinging
Correct your spelling
upbringing
 of a
person
Use synonyms
. The
person
Use synonyms
 will be trained by
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 family in certain manners, which he will use all along of his life.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 the family will teach a
person
Use synonyms
 to the
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
 of human behavior. The manners that a
person
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 taught and
bases
Correct article usage
the bases
show examples
 of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 that he learned from his family will play a great role in his future life. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
knowledge
Add a comma
knowledge,
show examples
 a
person
Use synonyms
 will easily socialize and
also
Linking Words
 make good friends.
The
Correct article usage
School
show examples
school
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 very important. Because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 teaching of
school
Use synonyms
 subjects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 helps people to increase their basic knowledge, obtained from
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
 being at
school
Use synonyms
 people improve their social abilities, they practice their manners. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I want to repeat that the
education
Use synonyms
 given by family is more important than the
education
Use synonyms
 obtained from
school
Use synonyms
. Because the family teaches you to the
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
 of human behavior.
Submitted by gunelbagarova14 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop a more balanced view by acknowledging the advantages of both family and school education more explicitly. While you emphasized family education, elaborating more on the roles and advantages of school education would provide a more rounded response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Improving the logical flow will make it easier for the reader to follow your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.
task achievement
Your argument about the foundational role of family education is relevant and well-articulated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings
  • investing
  • tax obligations
  • retirement planning
  • loans
  • credit
  • interest rates
  • crowded curricula
  • traditional academic subjects
  • real-life experiences
  • parental guidance
  • practical
  • intellectually rigorous
  • school syllabus
  • gig economy
  • income-streams
  • challenging
  • trained teachers
  • specialized field
What to do next:
Look at other essays: