IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sports, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
Due to
Linking Words
 advancements in technology, most individuals ignore outdoor
sports
Use synonyms
 and spend half of their time using mobile phones.
However
Linking Words
,
Sports
Use synonyms
 play
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 vital role in every
person
Use synonyms
's life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Today
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 want to share my views from two different
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
, where some people believe that physical
strength
Use synonyms
 is more important as compared to mental health. So, In upcoming paragraphs,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 views. Some individuals believe that to achieve success in
sports
Use synonyms
 physical
strength
Use synonyms
 is more important. One of the major reasons for assuming
this
Linking Words
 is because in every game every individual needs high stamina or
strength
Use synonyms
 and without these, they can not able to survive
For example
Linking Words
, In football all players need good
strength
Use synonyms
 to complete
total
Add an article
a total
show examples
 of 90 minutes of the game and in
this
Linking Words
 90 minutes anything can happen
such
Linking Words
 as injury and for recovering form that they need high
strength
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, It seems very universal that whenever there is a selection for any sport most of the selectors choose those persons who have high physical
strength
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 several people who think that mental health plays an important role in
sports
Use synonyms
. First of all, there are many games in which people need more mental
strength
Use synonyms
, One of the best examples is Chess, When a
person
Use synonyms
 is playing chess they need their all mental
strength
Use synonyms
 to defeat their opponent.
Secondly
Linking Words
, mental
strength
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 important because it
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that when a
person
Use synonyms
 is mentally strong they can win a losing game
also
Linking Words
Such
Linking Words
 as, In football if one team scores 2 goals in the first half it will directly impact the mental health of
opponent
Add an article
the opponent
show examples
 team and they will
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 confidence or they will believe they are going to
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
 , If the team have high mental
strength
Use synonyms
 they will try to win until the
last
Linking Words
 minutes of the match. In my opinion, I believe that
both
Use synonyms
 physical and mental strengths are important because a sportsman is always incomplete if they do not have
both
Use synonyms
 of the skills.
In addition
Linking Words
, for competing in hard situations
person
Use synonyms
 needs physical
strength
Use synonyms
 and to give the best performance under stress they need mental
strength
Use synonyms
 So I think that
both
Use synonyms
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 are equally important

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases to improve coherence. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas seamlessly.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced coverage of both views to achieve a higher task response score. Consider elaborating more on each point with additional examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph organization. Ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next will improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets up a discussion of both views.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the argument, such as discussing football and chess.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the writer’s opinion, tying together the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical strength
  • endurance
  • athlete
  • performance
  • injury prevention
  • mental strength
  • pressure
  • focus
  • high-stakes situations
  • mental game
  • resilience
  • setbacks
  • recover
  • motivated
  • foundation
  • longevity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: