IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Learning to manage money is one of the key aspects of adult life. How in your view can individuals best learn to manage their money?

#money #aspects #adult #life #individuals
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Growing up and facing
with
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apply
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adult life may require
to learn
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learning
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 so many things and the most essential one is managing
finnantial
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financial
issue
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issues
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.I
absolutly
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absolutely
 agree with
this
 mindset and in
this
essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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 am going to provide my reasons. Nowadays schools
is
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are
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 the most effective way
for teaching
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to teach
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 important lessons
on
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to
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childrens
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children
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.Adding
leasons
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lessons
reasons
 like,
finnantial
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financial
 stuff
such
 as paying debt and saving not only good for their feature but
also
it
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apply
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can
effect
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affect
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on
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apply
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their mind to find their career so sooner.
For instance
,
teacher
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the teacher
a teacher
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 can make up a class which
provide
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provides
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 some information about paying taxes,
insurance
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and insurance
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.
Although
 it might be boring for them, or they do not get the value of
this
on
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at
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 that age
but
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apply
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with
the
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a
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 professional teacher,
it's
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its
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 impact can be increased. Opening a bank account for children and
give
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giving
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 them a certain
money
 each month is another way to introduce them
with
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to
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finnancial
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financial
issue
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issues
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.It is so practical and
they
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apply
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when they are placed
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in circumstance
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circumstance
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circumstances
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 they
dont
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do not
 have any ways rather than
learning
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learn
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 how
can
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apply
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they manage that. As
a
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an
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 example parents can provide them with a small amount of
money
 each month of course before one month they face with
shortage
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a shortage
the shortage
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 of that but if they don't
recieve
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receive
 more
money
 they will learn and keep their mind to handle it.
to conclude
, I believe that the most considerable thing in
everyones
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everyone's
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 life is
money
 and if individuals can learn sooner they will better prepare for their
feature
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future
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.
However
 maybe it is
so
Rephrase
too
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 soon for them to deal with
such
 things and they have so many other essential lessons but
But
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apply
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this
 is what real life requires, not math and physics.
Submitted by helia on

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coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer logical progression of ideas in your writing. Consider outlining your thoughts before starting to write.
task achievement
Be sure to fully develop your points with clear and comprehensive ideas. Try expanding on your reasons with additional details and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
Providing an example related to opening a bank account for children adds specificity and relevance to your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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