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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between ities. Others beieve the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

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In many countries, there is a debate about whether to invest large sums of money in constructing new high-speed railway lines or improving existing public
transports
Change the noun form
transport
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systems
. Both options have their merits, but the decision largely depends on the specific needs of each country.
Propnents
Correct your spelling
Proponents
 of high-speed railways argue that they can significantly reduce travel time between cities, making them an excellent alternative to air travel. These trains are
also
 more environmentally friendly than
airplanes
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aeroplanes
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, as they produce fewer carbon emissions.
Furtermore
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Furthermore
, the construction of high-speed rail
systems
 can stimulate economic growth by creating jobs and connecting urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 more effectively.
For example
, countries like Japan and France have benefited greatly from their advanced railway networks.
However
, others believe that the priority should be improving the current public transport infrastructure. Many existing
systems
 are outdated,
overcrouwded
Correct your spelling
overcrowded
, and unreliable, especially in densely populated cities. Upgrading buses, subways, and local trains can directly improve the daily lives of millions of people.
Additcionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, improving existing
systems
 is often more cost-effective than building entirely new railway lines, which may only benefit a smaller segment of the population. In conclusion,
while
 high-speed railways have undeniable advantages, investing in existing public transport
systems
 may provide broader benefits for the general public. Governments should carefully assess their countries' transportation needs and financial capabilities before making a decision.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument about the benefits or disadvantages of each option.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for minor spelling or grammatical errors, such as 'Propnents' which should be 'Proponents', and 'Additcionally' should be 'Additionally'. These small mistakes can be distracting.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, a balanced discussion in the body, and a thoughtful conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed both sides of the issue, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between ideas are smooth, making the essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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