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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think immigrants should accept the new culture as their own. Others believe that they should keep their own culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #immigrants #culture
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A number of individuals strongly believe that immigrants should accept the new
culture
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 as their own. Some individuals argue that they should keep their own
culture
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.
However
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, there are some issues to be taken into account. Both sides will be examined in the following paragraphs. On the
one
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 hand, it is undeniable that there are numerous beneficial aspects of adopting
the
Correct article usage
a
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 foreign
culture
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. The primary and most crucial
one
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 is that
people
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 can enhance their knowledge.
In other words
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, they can challenge themselves to step out of their comfort zones. immigrants,
for instance
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, who
not
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do not
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 use English as a primary language in their country can learn to speak English
,
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apply
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 when they move to the United States of America. Encouraging
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of
one
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's life is the
last
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 advantage to be taken
in to
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into
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 account.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that individuals who know how to adapt themselves
into
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to
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 new
cultures
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may adopt an idea and try to improve personal growth.
Additionally
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, it leads to
positively
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positive
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 effects
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one's
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on one's
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 life.
On the contrary
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,
although
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 there are some favourable aspects of accepting other traditions. several benefits associated with keeping their own
cultures
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 should be well-considered. The initial and obvious
one
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 is that
cultures
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 are caused by activities and ancient knowledge that
passed
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are passed
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 down from generation to generation, which
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 paramount and
meanful
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meaningful
.
Moreover
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, traditions can
generage
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generate
people
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 to stay close.
For example
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, when you move to
other country
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another country
other countries
show examples
, a majority of local
people
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 can separate them from locals. Another positive key factor is that
people
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 who try to
strick
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stick
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 to their
cultures
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were
Wrong verb form
are
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pround
Correct your spelling
proud
 of themselves. For
this
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resson
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reason
, they
not
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do not
did not
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 try to follow fast fashion that may destroy
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 by fast. In conclusion, even though there are some advantages
with
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to
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 staying in their own
cultures
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, I hold the view that the beneficial aspects associated with receiving the
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
cultures
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. If
people
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 can learn and adapt
with
Change preposition
to
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new
Add an article
a new
the new
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culture
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, it
almost
Add a missing verb
is almost
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 certain,
they
Correct word choice
that they
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 can enhance their knowledge and improve new skills.
Submitted by t.shetthong on

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task achievement
Provide a more balanced discussion by explaining each viewpoint equally, using real-world examples to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Elaborate more on the examples to clarify the point being made. This will help strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your discussion, providing a clear opening and closing to your analysis.
task achievement
You address the question effectively by discussing both views, which shows a strong understanding of the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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