IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries in consumer goods in 2010

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries in consumer goods in 2010
The bar illustrates the amount of the most spent
money
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for
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apply
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buying five different items (cars, computers, books, perfume, and cameras) in two different countries (
France
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 and the United Kingdom) by 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, The most preferred of the two countries was consuming vehicles in 2010,
while
Linking Words
 spending
money
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 on fragrances was most lowest in the
UK
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the least
of
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apply
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expenditure on
photographic
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photography
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 in
France
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. In terms of cars, citizens in the
UK
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 spent their
money
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 amount of 450,000
pounds
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 in 2010 higher than 50,000
pounds
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 different from
France
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 (400,000
pounds
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).
As well as
Linking Words
 books and cameras
also
Linking Words
 had the highest number of consumers in the
UK
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 which shows people in
theUK
Correct your spelling
the UK
 love spending their time reading and photographing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people in
France
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 had the most interest in computers and fragrances. From the bar, people in
France
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 spent
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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money
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 on computers more than 350,000
pounds
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,
while
Linking Words
 expenditure in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 at 350,000
pounds
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Fragrance consumption in
France
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amount
Correct subject-verb agreement
amounts
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 to 200,000
pounds
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 which was once higher than in
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 amounting to 140,000
pounds
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, france, uk, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • consumer goods
  • chart
  • countries
  • overall
  • compare
  • analyze
  • categories
  • consumer spending
  • trends
  • proportions
  • statistics
  • increase
  • decrease
  • significant
  • notable
  • remarkable
  • substantial
  • considerable
  • determine
  • conclude
  • in conclusion
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