IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #travel #countries #tourism #outweigh
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Nowadays, it is much easier
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
travel
different
Change preposition
to different
show examples
 countries than in the past. There are both merits and demerits, and I think that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks.
To begin
 with,there are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 are greater than the disadvantages.
Firstly
, it should encourage
make
Verb problem
apply
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a gap
with
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between
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rich
Correct article usage
the rich
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 and poor. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rich
people
travel
 a
lot
then
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poor
people
 could be
envy
Replace the word
envious
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
people
.
For example
, if there
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
rich kid who
travel
Correct subject-verb agreement
travels
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 a
lot
 in the same class,
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
 kid
also
want
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wants
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 to
travel
.
Then
 the poor kid said to their parents
and
Correct word choice
apply
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that should
be become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
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 a burden.
Secondly
,
Correct article usage
the local
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local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 could be dirty by the
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
.
For example
, many tourist visit their countries they could
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
waste a
lot
 on the road.It could be environmental pollution.
However
, not all aspects are demerits.First of all, they can change their perspective on the world.If they had experienced a
lot
 of
culture
Change to a plural noun
cultures
show examples
, it could
be reduce
Change the verb form
be reduced
show examples
descrimination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
about
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against
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human
Correct article usage
the human
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 race.
In addition
,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
people
 can make
memory
Fix the agreement mistake
memories
show examples
 with their family.In the past, many
people
 did not
travel
 abroad a
lot
, so they can see
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new things and that encourage family closer. In conclusion,
although
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 are greater than the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
.
Thus
, many
people
 need to experience to
travel
 abroad.
Submitted by yskim3064 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, more specific examples are needed to illustrate both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Clearer organization within paragraphs would aid readability and understanding. Try using topic sentences more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each point is elaborated with clear explanations and logical connections.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.
task achievement
The writer makes an effort to consider both sides of the argument, which demonstrates balance in the task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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