IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion Thảo

#people #advertisements #sources #information #products #thảo
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Purpose
Correct article usage
The purpose
show examples
 of advertising is often a topic of debate.
While
 some
people
 believe advertisements can give
people
 useful information, in my opinion, it is
encourages
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
people
 to buy
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
 they do
unnecessary
Change the word
unnecessarily
show examples
. There are many reasons why some
people
 believe that advertising
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 us useful information.
People
 often think that advertising can provide them with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
detailed data about the product they need through seminars.
In addition
, some believe that influencers social media can show that
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 item is actually useful.
For instance
, a recent survey by the marketing department of
iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
 found that 70% of
people
 buy through ads.
On the other hand
 , I would argue that promotion
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not help
people
 buy products they really necessary. Users often feel curious about what they don't have. There are product advertisements that
are exaggerated
Wrong verb form
exaggerate
show examples
 the effects
using
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
 by celebrities
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 viewers immediately want to buy them even though they don't need them. In conclusion , sometimes
publicize
Replace the word
publicity
show examples
also
 gives us really useful information, but we may not need that product. In my opinion,
people
 should only buy what they essential not through promotion.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
Make sure to address both views equally and provide balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for the topic.
task achievement
The writer has attempted to present both sides of the argument, which is essential for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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