IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that charity organisation should help people where ever they live, others think they should attend their countries only. Discuss both and give your opinion.

#people #charity #organisation #countries
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Few
people
 think that charitable
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 should help
people
where ever
Correct your spelling
wherever
show examples
 they are located but
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the
people
 have
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opinion that they should focus on their own
people
. Many migrated
people
 do charitable works where they live to help needy persons, and some
people
 support their own
people
where ever
Correct your spelling
wherever
show examples
 they
belongs
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Firstly
, in many
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 trusts are
heping
Correct your spelling
helping
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 irrespective of
where ever
Correct your spelling
wherever
show examples
 they
belongs
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
for example
,
UN
Correct article usage
the UN
show examples
food
Capitalize word
Food
show examples
 and
agriculture organization
Correct your spelling
Agriculture Organization
show examples
 is helping by giving seeds, food and
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
needy
peoples
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people
show examples
 to overcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty.
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of works
being
Add a missing verb
are being
show examples
 carried out
Change preposition
by this
show examples
this organization
Fix the agreement mistake
these organizations
show examples
 around the world without any boundaries.
Secondly
, some
of
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apply
show examples
educational institutions have opened many colleges and schools across
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 to give quality education
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those
Correct pronoun usage
who doesnt
show examples
doesnt
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
 have access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality education which was benefited greatly those who make use of it. On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 hand, several charities are formed by the
people
 where they
belongs
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
 to help their own
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
for instance
, one of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 started an organization to support their own villages to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic things. they started building water supply ,
free
Add an article
a free
show examples
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 and common skill
deveoplement
Correct your spelling
development
 centres which
is being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 beneficial for many
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
aroud
Correct your spelling
around
 the village.
Additionally
, these charitable groups are
supporting
Wrong verb form
supported
show examples
 despite the religion and
cast
Correct your spelling
caste
show examples
, because some foreign organizations used to support based on their own religion
people
. In
Conclsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, in my view that charity organizations should help the
peopl
Correct your spelling
people
 where they
belongs
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they know much about their needs which will help to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their goal of uplifting the
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Submitted by kr.kumbadev on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical structure by organizing your ideas more clearly into separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop each idea with clear examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
language accuracy
Improve accuracy in language and grammar to ensure that your message is clearly conveyed without misunderstandings.
coherence cohesion
It might be helpful to focus on refining the introduction and conclusion to make them more cohesive and reflective of the main ideas discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have a balanced introduction that presents both viewpoints effectively.
task achievement
There is an attempt to support your points with examples, such as the mention of the UN and educational institutions.
task achievement
Your conclusion clearly states your personal opinion, providing a clear end to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • charity organisations
  • attend
  • benefits
  • challenges
  • prioritize
  • global solidarity
  • foreign aid
  • disaster relief
  • poverty alleviation
  • sustainable development
  • inadequate resources
  • cultural understanding
  • local communities
  • national interests
What to do next:
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