IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows men's and women's prize money at golf majors in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows men's and women's prize money at golf majors in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #men #women #prize #money #golf #majors #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates information on the unemployed graduates in European
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 in two years
period
Use synonyms
, divided by gender and measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is immediately apparent that
men
Use synonyms
 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in October 2009
are
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the
most
Change the adjective
apply
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highest number of unemployed graduates more than any
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other month and year,
whereas
Linking Words
 in April 2008 and July 2008
are
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the least amount. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
glance
Add a comma
glance,
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 we can see that
girl
Fix the agreement mistake
girls
show examples
 take more
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 than
men
Use synonyms
 for 8 out of 8 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
 an equal number of
men
Use synonyms
 in April 2009 and July 2009.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
men
Use synonyms
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have a job more
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 than
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 at around 23% and 10% respectively.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 more jobless than girls in October 2008 at approximately 16%, but women at only 11%.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the percentages from January 2009 until July 2009 are mostly similar at 10-12 % for
men
Use synonyms
. But the women
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 more
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in April 2009.
Submitted by arjoensyahananta168 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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