IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self- employed rather than to work for a company or organisation .why might this be the case? What could be the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #self- #work #company #organisation #be #case
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In today's digital era,
self
-employment has become most popular in many countries.Citizens are likely to do their own job rather than
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work
 for an organisation or company.
However
,there are some merits and demerits for doing
self
-
work
.I will elaborate on both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides of
self activities
Add a hyphen
self-activities
show examples
.
Self earnings
Add a hyphen
Self-earnings
show examples
 activities
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 some benefits for
people
 for their own
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
.
Firstly
, it will help the individuals to earn more profits from their own
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
.
Hence
,they
preferably
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prefer
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 to do their job with all facilities like the company
as well as
 organisations.
Secondly
,
self
-
work
 persons can
work
 without any pressure from higher authorities.
For instance
,
self employed
Add a hyphen
self-employed
show examples
 humans can manage their time without any stress.Some are enjoying the
work
 with all
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
 benefits .
As a result
,they can develop their business
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a high levels
Correct the article-noun agreement
high levels
a high level
show examples
.So there are many
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who are doing
self tasks
Add a hyphen
self-tasks
show examples
. There are various disadvantages to be considered for
self
 activities
work
.
Initially
,they need to
be arrange
Change the verb form
arrange
show examples
 some finance for starting a
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
.
However
,few
people
 are facing difficulty
to prepare
Change preposition
in preparing
show examples
 a huge amount of money for developing a
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
.
Moreover
,an individual
unable
Add a missing verb
is unable
show examples
 to manage the whole
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
.it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
difficult to allocate or find
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best staff for running a business.
For example
,The ABACS Survey shows that the
people
 who
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 the
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
 with
partnership
Add an article
a partnership
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
failed
due to
 the improper way of handling the tasks.
Hence
,
self employment
Add a hyphen
self-employment
show examples
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 uphill task for
people
 who are unaware of the basic functions. In conclusion,
self employment
Add a hyphen
self-employment
show examples
 is a good
choices
Change the noun form
choice
show examples
 for
people
 who are aware of the normal function it can
be easily manage
Change the verb form
be easily managed
show examples
 by individuals who have more
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 at the initial period.
Submitted by renimahesan92 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to integrate a more coherent logical structure throughout your essay to enhance clarity. Consider using clear paragraphing and transitions between your ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
Strive for clearer and more comprehensive idea development. Provide more specific examples and elaborate on main points to fully address the essay prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Refine the introduction and conclusion to ensure balanced and articulate opening and closing statements, supporting the core discussion more effectively.
Task Achievement
Your essay appropriately outlines both the advantages and disadvantages of self-employment, which is crucial for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The presence of a conclusion helps to wrap up your thoughts, which is often overlooked.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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