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Writing Samples
Band 6

The line graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992.

The line graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992.
#line #radio #television #audiences
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The graph illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of hours spent listening to
radio
Add an article
the radio
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 and watching television during the day by the English population over 4 years old
in
Change preposition
from
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 October to December 1992.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 data, the British people watched television in the evening
while
Linking Words
 they listened to
radio
Add an article
the radio
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 in the morning and in the early afternoon. Indeed, there was a hitting peak of
radio’s
Correct article usage
the radio’s
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 audience in the morning around 9 am, with a sharp increase to 8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 at 6am to approximately 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 at 9am. After a slight increase from 10% to 12% at 4pm, it declined gradually through the day to reach 0% at night, at 02:00 am to be precise.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the pattern of television’s audience showed more fluctuations during the day. Starting with 0% at 6 am, it rose to 8% at 8am.
Then
Linking Words
, it grew to 18% at 2 pm and it reached a peak at 8 pm with 50% of the population.
Finally
Linking Words
, it dropped dramatically with
near
Change the word
nearly
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 0% at 2 am and a slight
rising
Replace the word
rise
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 at 5am.
Submitted by leila.dosso on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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