IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that detailed criminal descriptions in newspapers and TV have bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is thought that showing descriptions
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 criminals in the news could have not the best influence. From my point of view,
information
Use synonyms
 about wrong behaviour is
appropiate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
, what should not be acceptable is to live in a society
that is
Linking Words
 not empathetic, nor having
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of mental health, which are the ones that could cause problems in the future. It is important to consider that as not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals are caught or punished, some people may follow the same steps, thinking that they could do the same.
Moreover
Linking Words
, instant
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 and the feelings that
could
Correct pronoun usage
one could
show examples
 experience are worth it.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, some individuals that might not be in their best mental health or struggling with money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 could start working on a plan to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 what they want or think they need.
Then
Linking Words
 is where all the
information
Use synonyms
 displayed in media, like newspapers or even television,
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important role, because everyone has access to the data that has been recorded about other crimes. 
To begin
Linking Words
, news
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a valuable source of
information
Use synonyms
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 all the
Linking Words
last
Correct word choice
latest
show examples
 events are told with extraordinary details.
Moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays it is normal to have programs or series
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 or streaming platforms, like Netflix, where almost every day a new true crime is played. These shows have huge
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
 all over the world, and all ages.
For example
Linking Words
, shows like, "La
casa
Capitalize word
Casa
show examples
 de
papel
Change the capitalization
Papel
show examples
" tell a story about how a group of people reunited stole the central bank of Spain successfully, giving all sorts of details from how many members are needed to create a band, or what are the skills that each one should know. In my personal opinion, all
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 is great to make up a
catching
Correct word choice
good
show examples
 story. To summarize, every individual is a potential criminal but not all of them end up murdering or robbing, meaning that if we are able to distinguish what is good or bad, we will have the chance to decide who we want to be. In the same way, newspapers and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 should be judged for telling the truth, neither shows for creating entertainment; only the criminals must be punished.
Likewise
Linking Words
, no
information
Use synonyms
 should be restricted.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain reader interest and connection across ideas. Consider revising sentences for clearer logical progression.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and case studies to substantiate your analysis further. This can help in presenting a well-rounded view.
Task Achievement
Refine your ideas for clarity and specificity. Ensure every point directly supports your thesis for a stronger task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains an introduction and a conclusion that adequately frame the discussion.
Task Achievement
The writer attempts to address multiple aspects of the question, providing a broad viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and generally maintains a logical flow of ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: