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Writing Samples
Band 7

the bar chart shows female unemployment rates in four countries in the UK. Summarise and make comparisons.

the bar chart shows female unemployment rates in four countries in the UK. Summarise and make comparisons.
The chart compares the proportion of unemployed female workers in
England
Use synonyms
,
Wales
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,
Scotland
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 and Northern
Ireland
Use synonyms
 between 2013 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the rates dropped in
England
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,
Wales
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 and Northern
Ireland
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, the reversed trend was
witness
Change the form of the verb
witnessed
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 in
Scotland
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 in 2014. Based on that,
Scotland
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 eventually became the country with the most unemployed female employees. To start with, in 2013,
England
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 had the highest rate of female unemployment (6.8%), followed by
Scotland
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, which was 6.1%.
However
Linking Words
, the percentages in
England
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 saw a slight reduction of 0.3% after one year.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Scotland
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, which was 6.7% at the time, increased 0.6% over the
last
Linking Words
 year and had by far the highest proportion in the UK. By 2013,
Wales
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 and Northern
Ireland
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 were only 0.2% apart with the former
were
Wrong verb form
being
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 higher than the latter. Both of them declined the following year, the percentages in
Wales
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 were at 5.0%, which made
Wales
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had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the third
most
Correct word choice
highest
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 female unemployment
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
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 in four countries. Meanwhile, Northern
Ireland
Use synonyms
 had the highest reduction with 1.0% in 2014 and eventually sat at the bottom of the list with only 4.6% of female unemployment.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words england, wales, scotland, ireland with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduction" was used 2 times.
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