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Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. clearly parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. to what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year old children?

#countries #people #privileges #responsibilities #age #sixteen #parents #responsibility #care #children #approach #milestone #lives #year
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It is predicted that in the near future card or virtual wallets on mobile phones will be replaced by cash for shopping.I strongly agree with
this
 mindset and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will outline my reasons in the essay. Paying by card and virtual phones may bring us so many significant advantages in our daily lives.It is safe and compared with money and it is so convenient,that individuals do not have to bring their money everywhere.
For instance
, one of the biggest benefits of
that is
 safety,these days we have to be aware of theft and by not using and keeping cash we can reduce its incidents.
However
, on the other side being dependent on these cards may have some serious and negative impacts on people's lives and
also
 their minds.One of the biggest problems is credit cards will enable people to pay more than they have and their property
as a result
 they are involved with paying a debt which is not logical.Another example of
this
 unsatisfactory is the countries which are not as developed as others .So in the future, they will be faced with crucial problems
such
 as hacking bank accounts. In conclusion, with the advancement of technology, we could not prevent
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these changes.With these changes not only our lives
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 straightforward but
also
 we could get many
granted
Replace the word
grants
show examples
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 that.
However
, everything has two sides and it has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 drawbacks as well.
Submitted by helia on

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task achievement
The essay provides a general response to the given topic, but it lacks depth in developing arguments. Consider expanding on key arguments with more details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position. However, the development of ideas in the body paragraph needs to be more organized and focused. Try using clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Enhance your task response by incorporating more specific examples and scenarios that can strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purpose effectively by clearly stating your position and summarizing your points.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives, outlining benefits of cashless transactions and its potential drawbacks.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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