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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the value of one country`s exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the value of one country`s exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#value #country`s #exports #categories #percentage #change #category #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates information
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the value of various
products
Use synonyms
 categorized into five groups in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2015 and 2016,
while
Linking Words
 the table shows the percentages of
these variation
Change the determiner
this variation
these variations
show examples
 in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, at first glance, it becomes clear that both engineered goods and
petroleum
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 had the highest
valuable
Replace the word
value
show examples
in contrast
Linking Words
 with
textiles
Use synonyms
 and agriculture
products
Use synonyms
 that had the least
valuable
Replace the word
value
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 percentage of variation was referred to
textiles
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
petroleum
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 had the least percentage change. It is evident that the prices of all items except games and
jewerllery
Correct your spelling
jewellery
, had increased after one year.
While
Linking Words
 the
petroleum
Use synonyms
 export
products
Use synonyms
 valuable was almost 60
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
,
engineered
Correct article usage
the engineered
show examples
 goods value was nearly 55, in 2015.
Additionally
Linking Words
, games and
jewerlley
Correct your spelling
jewellery
, agriculture
products
Use synonyms
 and
textiles
Use synonyms
 were nearly 42, 31 and 27
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 values, perspectively.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the percentages of changes toward all items, except games and
gewerlley
Correct your spelling
generally
 were frequently increased after 1 year. The lowest percentage change was
refered
Correct your spelling
referred
 to
petroleum
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3%,
in contrast
Linking Words
, the highest proportion change was experienced by
textiles
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15.24%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, engineered and agricultural
products
Use synonyms
 had
8.5
Correct article usage
an 8.5
show examples
 and 0.81%
inceresed
Correct your spelling
increase
increased
 after one year, respectively.
Submitted by mahanz on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, moreover, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words products, petroleum, textiles with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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