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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the best way to teach children to behave well is to punish them. Others argue that rewarding and praising children is a better way to teach them the difference between right and wrong. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #difference #right
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When it comes to teaching
children
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 to behave well and understand the difference between right and wrong, the debate between
punishment
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 and rewards remains central. Both approaches have their advantages and drawbacks, depending on the context, the
child
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, and the
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behavior
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behaviour
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 being addressed. Advocates of
punishment
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 argue that it provides clear consequences for undesirable
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
, helping
children
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 learn that actions have repercussions.
For example
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, time-outs or the removal of privileges can deter
children
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 from repeating negative
behaviors
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behaviours
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.
Punishment
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 may be particularly effective in urgent situations where immediate correction is needed,
such
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 as when a
child
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 engages in dangerous actions like running into the street.
However
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, critics of
punishment
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 highlight its potential drawbacks. Excessive or harsh
punishment
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 can lead to fear, resentment, or a damaged parent-
child
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 relationship. It may suppress
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behavior
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behaviour
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 temporarily without addressing the underlying reasons, potentially leading
children
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 to hide their mistakes rather than learn from them.
On the other hand
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, those who support rewarding and praising
children
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 argue that it reinforces positive
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 and motivates them to repeat it. Praise can boost a
child
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's self-esteem and help them internalize values.
For example
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, rewarding a
child
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 for sharing toys or completing homework encourages prosocial
behaviors
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behaviours
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. The downside to excessive rewards is that
children
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 may become reliant on external validation and fail to develop intrinsic motivation. If not balanced, it could
also
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 lead to feelings of entitlement or competition among peers.
While
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 both
punishment
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 and rewards have their place, a balanced approach is most effective. Mild consequences for inappropriate
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behavior
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behaviour
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, paired with consistent and meaningful praise for positive actions, create an environment where
children
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 understand boundaries
while
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 feeling encouraged to grow. Clear communication is key:
children
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 need to understand why certain
behaviors
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behaviours
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 are unacceptable and why others are valued.
Moreover
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, teaching empathy and problem-solving skills can complement these methods, helping
children
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 internalize right and wrong based on understanding rather than fear or the expectation of a reward.
Submitted by taliyarifat on

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task achievement
While the essay generally provides relevant examples, adding more specific instances or studies could make the arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure the balance between discussing both views and your own opinion is maintained throughout to strengthen the task response.
coherence cohesion
Continue to work on the logical flow of the essay to ensure even smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear and comprehensive understanding of the task, discussing both views and providing a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure in place, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which aids the reader’s understanding.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and developed throughout the essay, which strengthens the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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