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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the total number of students who studied English in Vietnam from 2015 to 2018, and their purposes of learning English.

The charts below show the total number of students who studied English in Vietnam from 2015 to 2018, and their purposes of learning English.
#show #students #english #vietnam #purposes
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The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the total of number
about
Change preposition
apply
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students
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 who study in Vietnam,
while
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
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 shows
students
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’ reasons for learning English from 2015 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, from the bar
chart
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, it is clear to see that
students
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 aged 17 to 24 had the highest number in 2018,
while
Linking Words
students
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 aged 13 to 16 had the lowest number in 2015. From the pie
chart
Use synonyms
, the
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
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 of
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
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 education was ocuupied the biggest portion during the period given. From the bar
chart
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,
students
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 aged 17 to 24 experienced
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 increase which started at under 10 and peaked at approximately 42 in 2015 and 2018 respectively. Meanwhile,
students
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 aged 13
to16
Correct your spelling
to 16
 experienced a
moderately increased
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moderate increase
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, which
peak
Wrong verb form
peaked
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 at around 10 in 2017.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
students
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 aged 25 to 34 and aged 35+ saw
silght
Correct your spelling
slight
 increases with
minnal
Correct your spelling
minimal
mental
 fluctuation. Regarding the pie
chart
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, the purposes of overseas education took up 58% and 43%,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in 2015 and 2018 respectively. The smallest proportion was for school graduation, which accounted for 6%.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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