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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbors. Why is this? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbors
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In
this
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 modern
day
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, it is increasingly common for
people
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 to have low or no connection with their
neighbours
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 because of modern lifestyles, and the influence of technology.
Moreover
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, the habits of some
neighbours
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 make the society of
neighbours
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 uncomfortable.
This
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 essay will consider the cause of
this
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 issue and propose effective solutions to address it.
To begin
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 with, today several individuals spend time focusing on self-development even children or adults
for example
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 children have to be concerned with academics and adults
also
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 focus on their job responsibilities so it makes some
people
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 lose the energy to socialize ;
in particular
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, in urban
areas
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areas,
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people
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 have to
facing
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face
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 with traffic issue every
day
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 in
golden
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a golden
the golden
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 hour it make
their
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they
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 lose their energy.
Furthermore
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, technology has influenced individuals' lives in the present
due to
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people
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 having social-media connections which
reduce
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reduces
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 interactions face-to-face Many
people
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 rely on massage apps to stay connected.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 have toxic relationships with
neighbours
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;
for example
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, some
neighbours
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 always have a gossip group with personal stories of someone and it creates a toxic environment. To tackle
this
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 problem;
firstly
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, communities should Organize activities for various festivals to encourage
people
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 in the communities
such
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 as Halloween, Christmas or easter
day
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 to participate in activities and break the ice when they become familiar with each other by participating in activities together.
Secondly
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, creating shared spaces ,
for instance
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, parks or playgrounds can help
people
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 meet nature
however
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, it may not help filter out toxic
people
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 because it is a problem that we have to deal with our own feelings about what these
people
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 will gossip about even if it is fake news.
On the other hand
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, it helps to practice patience with difficult things like being gossiped about themselves.
To sum up
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, the growing distance between
neighbours
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 is caused by lifestyles changing with modern-
day
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 and the habitat of
neighbours
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that is
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 out of control.
Nevertheless
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 having a space or activity where you can bond with your
neighbours
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 is a good thing because it will make you have more friends or you can benefit from your
neighbours
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 on a difficult
day
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 because your
neighbours
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 can help you the fastest if there is an accident in your house.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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task achievement
Try to provide more concrete examples and expand on your ideas. For instance, explain how participating in community events can specifically improve relationships with neighbors. This will make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on the organization of your ideas. While you have a logical flow, transitioning more smoothly between points could improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to vary sentence structures to maintain reader interest and enhance the overall fluidity of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
task achievement
You identified key reasons why people might not know their neighbors and proposed relevant solutions, indicating a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • community engagement
  • social isolation
  • neighborhood watch
  • local initiatives
  • virtual interaction
  • privacy concerns
  • resident mobility
  • technological advancements
  • social media influence
  • work-life balance
  • busy personal schedules
  • community events
  • local residents
  • social interaction
  • community ties
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