The graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia, for the period 2000 to 2020

The graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia, for the period 2000 to 2020
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart illustrates the proportion of
participants
for five different activities (Film Club, Martial Arts, Amateur dramatics, Table tennis, and Musical performance) in
Melbourne
over two decades.
Overall
, the majority of citizens in
Melbourne
participated in movie clubs,
while
less of
people
in
Melbourne
joined the Musical clubs. From the graph is clear that the film club is most preferred in
Melbourne
over the period. From 2000, film clubs had around 62
people
but decreased to around 60 citizens in 2010, and the peak reached more than 62
people
in the final year.
Furthermore
, the least of
participants
in 2000 was table tennis with around 18
people
until 2010 dramatically increasing from 20
participants
to more than 50
participants
in 2020.
Also
Add a comma
,
show examples
musical performance started in 2010 with more than 10
participants
and a steady increase had around 19
people
at the end
year. In terms of martial arts
have
Verb problem
it is
show examples
a little different starting with 62
participants
in 2000 become 65
participants
in 2020.
Moreover
, amateur dramatics started a little growth in 2000 around 28
people
to 29
people
in 2005,
while
drastically downward by around 5
participants
at the end
of the year.
Submitted by dliyaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, melbourne, people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: