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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows visitor numbers to 5 attractions in the city of parkvale from 1996 to 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows visitor numbers to 5 attractions in the city of parkvale from 1996 to 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #visitor #numbers #attractions #city #parkvale #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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five attractions in Parkvale
city
Capitalize word
City
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 between 1996 and 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, the National Gallery was by far the most popular venue after 2000,
although
Linking Words
 the Indigenous Art Centre
also
Linking Words
 saw a rise in visitor numbers.
While
Linking Words
 fewer
people
Use synonyms
 went to the aquarium and zoo over the two decades, museum attendance remained fairly stable. In 1996, the aquarium was the main
attractiyon
Correct your spelling
attraction
, with over 500,000
people
Use synonyms
 coming through the doors. Slightly fewer went to the museum
in
Change preposition
apply
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that year, and
zoo
Correct article usage
the zoo
show examples
 and National Gallery welcomed approximately 300,000
people
Use synonyms
 each.
Although
Linking Words
 the Indigenous Art Centre attracted barely 80 thousand
people
Use synonyms
 in 1996, it
then
Linking Words
 enjoyed a huge rise in popularity over the next 10 years, peaking at almost 400,000 visitors in 2004 and reaching a similar figure in 2016. By that year,
also
Linking Words
, the National Gallery had seen
unparalleled
Add an article
an unparalleled
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 increase in visitors to almost 1 million. Meanwhile, over the period shown, aquarium attendance plummeted by about 400,000, going from the most to the least visited venue. The zoo's figure fell substantially as well, though less dramatically,
while
Linking Words
 the museum saw little deviation from around 450,000 annual visitors.
Submitted by taliyarifat on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, although, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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