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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times.They don't want their children to read any entertainment books because they think it is a waste of time.Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?why?

A lot of
parents
Use synonyms
 prefer to educate their
children
Use synonyms
 only
district
Change preposition
on district
show examples
 academic resources during their educational life. They
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 avoid their
children
Use synonyms
 from wasting important time with
amusement
Replace the word
amusing
show examples
 books, so they assume these types of books do not receive anything
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
. From my point of view, I tend to both agree and disagree with the given idea for plausible reasons. Admittedly, there are some strong points from the aspect of
parents
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to learn about their professional fields, because
this
Linking Words
 tendency can
be gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 some
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 to
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 high paid jobs. Major
parents
Use synonyms
 desire to give freedom to their
children
Use synonyms
 after their adult period
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because from their point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
this
Linking Words
cause preventing
Wrong verb form
prevents
show examples
 their studies.
For instance
Linking Words
, they think that their
children
Use synonyms
 will fall behind in their studies if they do extracurricular activities.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 inclination below some drawbacks for
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a lot of
children
Use synonyms
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their other abilities which these abilities can make a person
wellknown
Correct your spelling
well known
well-known
. If one child
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to learn about poetry and desire to be a poet, but family pressure can avoid
this
Linking Words
 interest.
In addition
Linking Words
, a group of
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 lost their study interest under
Use synonyms
parents
Replace the word
parental
show examples
 pressure. Because human mental structure
demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
show examples
 some freedom in every process. In conclusion, there are both agree and disagree
aproach
Correct your spelling
approach
 for me which can
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
children
Use synonyms
`s future life.
This
Linking Words
 tendency can have positive and negative
concequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 depending on
child
Add an article
the child
show examples
. Because
this
Linking Words
 is a human life and every person or overthinker child can manage every difficult situation.

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task achievement
Expand on specific reasons or examples to support the argument, particularly when discussing the drawbacks of limiting children's reading materials.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to improve the essay's coherence.
task achievement
Revise sentences for clarity to ensure comprehensive ideas are expressed without confusion.
task achievement
Good attempt at introducing both sides of the argument, which is not common among beginner writers.
coherence and cohesion
Clear presence of an introduction and conclusion, providing a neat framework for the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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