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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibility
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It is often believed that the adolescent era is the most unforgettable and joyful day
of
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for
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 every individual.Others would
also
 perceive that being an adult is more enjoyable despite a lot of obligations and demands in
life
.
This
 essay will discuss both opinions and explain which stage of every human development is more enjoyable & memorable. On one hand, some people believe that the teenage years are one of the most joyous and happiest times of growth.Because
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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there are
Verb problem
have
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 fewer responsibilities compared to adults which gives them ample
hour
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hours
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 to enjoy
life
.
For example
, teenagers are enjoying their leisure
hour
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hours
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 hanging out with friends and classmates .
Also
, they try different types of adventures and new hobbies without any hesitation in paying monthly bills and working full-time.
Moreover
, during
this
 point of
life
, people are full of curiosity, energy and excitement which makes their experiences in
life
 more enjoyable.
On the other hand
, adulthood is the most
self fulfilling
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self-fulfilling
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 moment of every human ,even though there are a lot of demands and responsibilities.Adults have the ability to make important decisions ,
such
 as choosing their career ,building a family or following their dreams.These choices could lead to a more meaningful activity.
For example
 , having children and achieving success in the field of profession brings a sense of pride and happiness.
Additionally
, adults are more confident and. mature when it comes to decision-making, which helps them appreciate
life
 better. In my own perspective,
while
 teenage years are fun and carefree, youth brings more long-term happiness. In conclusion, both teenage years and adulthood offer different kinds of happiness.
However
, I believe that personal growth and accomplishments in adulthood make it the happier stage of
life
.
Submitted by xoxoxobels on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve logical connections between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
Ensure examples directly support the main points and are more specific.
Task Achievement
Work on developing ideas more comprehensively for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good structure to the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives, demonstrating understanding of the task.
Task Achievement
The expression of personal opinion is clear and contributes to the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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