IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that educational qualifications will always bring success in life. Other people say that educational qualifications do not necessarily bring success. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #qualifications #success #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an ongoing debate about whether educational qualifications
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 a huge impact to bring success in life or not necessarily guide success.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
 before concluding with my opinion. On one hand, educational qualifications do give some opportunity for the
people
Use synonyms
 who have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 degree of
education
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 they already
pursue
Wrong verb form
pursued
show examples
 it
many
Change preposition
for many
show examples
 years to gain some knowledge about
kind
Correct article usage
the kind
show examples
 of
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
job
Use synonyms
 would they take.
In addition
Linking Words
, nowadays many
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
show examples
 have requirements for the minimum
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
degree for their applicants, the higher
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 role or position they provide means the higher
education
Use synonyms
 should
people
Use synonyms
 have.
Therefore
Linking Words
 if
people
Use synonyms
 want to have a good or decent
job
Use synonyms
 they should
equal
Add a missing verb
be equal
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
education
Use synonyms
 aspect.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many employment
field
Change to a plural noun
fields
show examples
 in Indonesia that require
minimum
Add an article
a minimum
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 of
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
show examples
 or bachelor's degree.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 world are famous and rich without
being have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 an
education
Use synonyms
.
Having some
Unnecessary verb
Some
show examples
 skills can be learned outside the educational sector
such
Linking Words
 as
university
Change preposition
at university
show examples
 or schools.
However
Linking Words
, not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 fields
also
Linking Words
 should
remain
Verb problem
require
show examples
 academic skills,
such
Linking Words
 as creative industry or business.
Besides
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can directly study with the experience
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 that
relating
Wrong verb form
relate
show examples
 to the sector.
For example
Linking Words
, Kanye West the rapper
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 famous
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 his music
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 fashion brand and as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 know the fact is he learned all about it self taught. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 having educational qualifications is a good thing,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
learning something it's not always from the university or
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 it can
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 from the
people
Use synonyms
 in
industry
Add an article
the industry
show examples
 or learning by ourselves to gain success.
Submitted by arjoensyahananta168 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but there are areas where the logical flow can be improved. Consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly and ensure that each paragraph has a distinct topic sentence that guides the reader.
task achievement
While you address both sides of the argument effectively, your essay could benefit from more detailed explanation and analysis of your points. Ensure that each idea is fully explored and exemplified to highlight its relevance to the topic.
task achievement
To strengthen your arguments, provide more specific examples and elaborate on how they relate directly to your points. This will help illustrate your arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction successfully outlines the topic and sets up the framework for discussing both viewpoints. It provides a smooth transition into the body of the essay.
task achievement
You effectively cover both perspectives on the topic and provide your own opinion in the conclusion, making your stance clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: